Kamran Shafi

Came the dawn

2006-02-09T03:30:00.000Z

VIEW: Came the dawn —Kamran Shafi

WAPDA decides that it will carry out Annual Maintenance one day, and it is jolly well carried out the next. Never mind that people are inconvenienced; never mind that a patient dependant on electricity for his very survival lies fighting for every breath, never mind that a very junior official can be so rude with a consumer

So then, it has finally dawned upon the Big General that he is being ill-served by the people he himself has ordained into their offices; those who serve at his personal will and only because he is what he is; those who wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of being ‘elected’ to their mighty offices were it not for the State flexing its muscle through its various agencies, and at his express orders. Those, indeed, who know full well that after this one outing on the carousel of power they will not be heard from nor seen in the country, taking the first plane out to their real homes and hearths.

According to a report in this same newspaper: “President Pervez Musharraf has voiced growing frustration at his government’s ‘lethargic functioning’ and poor implementation of development projects. ‘I go to people and announce projects but the next time I visit these areas and ask the people about the projects, I find that there is nothing on the ground,’ sources quoted him as saying at a meeting attended by Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, several ministers and the State Bank of Pakistan governor.”

“Sources said the president took notice of delay in the Iran-Pakistan-India gas pipeline project. ‘How many delegations will visit abroad for talks to finalise this project?’ the president was quoted as asking the participants. The president also expressed concern over the government’s inability to control inflation.”

Well, to non-compliance with his specific orders first, and may I suggest to the Big General that the “projects” he speaks about (which he knows have not been carried out) are only the tip of the iceberg. Surely he has not visited all the communities and places and people where he might have issued orders; surely what he has been told is a fraction of what has actually not been done. I will make him a wager of a hundred rupees: If he delves only a little deeper, the Big General will find that only those of his orders that concerned people who have access to him have been implemented; that he should consider himself fortunate if 10 percent of his directives, orders, and instructions have actually been followed.

There is a revealing little anecdote that Kaleem Omar, yes the well-known writer, tells about Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. It so happened that three years into his presidency/prime ministership, that consummate politician and workaholic who used to read voluminous files from cover to cover and hand-write the most succinct and beautifully crafted notes within minutes, ordered a short exercise. He just wanted to know how many of his directives the officials of the Government of Pakistan had carried out. One can only imagine his chagrin when it was put up to him that (if memory serves) 55 percent of the directives were nowhere to be seen; 25 percent were in the process of completion and only 20 percent had been completed/carried out.

This is Zulfikar Ali Bhutto we are talking about, sirs, not some Tom, Dick, or Harry. Remember that this man we speak about was so particular about what he wrote on official files that one that he was working on while travelling by train had the following remark at the end of his note: “My handwriting is shaky because I am travelling by the Khyber Mail — we have just crossed Jhelum”! Sirs, you are to kindly note that if the orders of this immaculate man were followed the way they were, what of those given by others?

The question one must ask, indeed one that the Big General must ask himself, is why it has taken this long for the realisation to hit home that all is certainly not well (nor has been for a long time) with the way the Government of the Islamic Republic conducts itself. For, the national press has long been full of stories about how wrong things are going; how, instead of “good governance” things were only going from bad to worse; how, indeed, the Big General was getting a bad name for the shenanigans of his own appointees. One can only come to one conclusion.

If only General Musharraf took a little time out every day to just glance through the papers to see for himself what they were saying instead of only depending on what was ‘put up’ to him by the Ministry of Disinformation; if only he wasn’t so black and white about perceived friends and perceived enemies (calling people who do not agree with him ‘unbalanced’, even ‘traitors’, for example), he would have found that lots of people have been crying themselves hoarse about precisely the things that agitate him today.

It is never too late, however, to change tack; never too late to kick the right bottom with the right amount of force and never too late to get rid of those who will not pull their weight. Provided of course that cognisance is taken of the offences of commission and omission, fairly and judiciously. The pity of the whole thing, however, is that through the many years that the Big General has had his way in the Land of the Pure, the thing called “justice in governance” has been chucked out the window and “pragmatism” rules.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my electricity was switched off just as I was putting the finishing touches to my article some days ago. I called the SDO, WAPDA, Hasanabdal, on his mobile to ask when we could expect it to be switched on again. The conversation went something like this:

Self: “Assalam-o-Alaikum, aap SDO Sahib bol rahe hein?”

SDO Bahadur: “Bol raha hoon”.

Self: “Ji, mein Wah gaon se Major Kamran Shafi bol raha hoon — bijli ko kya hua hai — kab aaye gee”.

SDOB: “Annual maintenance jab khatam ho gi”.Self: “ANNUAL MAINTENANCE”? Aap ne annual maintenance kaheen announce ki thi?”SDOB: “Kal FM 97 (the local Hasanabdal station) pe ki thi.”

Self: “Kal? Annual Maintenance ka to ziada notice hona chahie; aap ne kissi akhbar mein announce ki thi?”SDOB: “Nahein, saray log FM suntay hein.” (I don’t, by the way.)

Self, in English: “SDO Sahib, I want to write about this in the press; please reconfirm that this was ANNUAL MAINTENANCE for which you gave just one day’s notice and that too on just one media outlet which many people may not have access to.”

SDOB: “I am not your servant that I should repeat what I said — you can write what you want”, saying which the Little Sahib switched off his telephone.

So there you have it, sirs, good governance everywhere. WAPDA decides that it will carry out Annual Maintenance one day, and it is jolly well carried out the next. Never mind that people are inconvenienced; never mind that a patient dependant on electricity for his very survival lies fighting for every breath, never mind that a very junior official can be so rude with a consumer — a consumer who pays through his nose for most pathetic service, mind. Sab Acchha Hai, Sahib.

Bushism of the Week: “The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned firsthand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas” — President George W Bush talking to a Slovak journalist, June 22, 1999. Bush’s meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia.

PS: WAPDA can rest easy — just as the Motorway Police did not respond to my complaint about them, I do not expect WAPDA to, either. After all, they rule; we are the ruled.

A 'scheduling problem'

2006-02-02T02:51:00.000Z

VIEW: A ‘scheduling problem’ —Kamran Shafi

Why did the FO keep up pretences for two whole weeks and more? Would it have continued to lie had the US ambassador himself not come forth? Why did Chief Spokesman Sheikh Rashid reinforce the lie 10 days after the FO first told it? More important than everything else, why does the government of the Islamic Republic take us lay Pakistanis for so many fools?

At the time that the Damadola Outrage — for what else was it — happened, and the military government and its minions were going about pretending as if they were in an almighty fury, it was announced by a “senior official” (no prizes for guessing the ministry) that the American ambassador “is being summoned to the Foreign Office” so that Pakistan could lodge a protest with him. On the very day that this news appeared in the press, I made a wager with some friends who were visiting me that no way was the valiant FO of the very valiant government of the Citadel of Islam going to summon the American ambassador. No way.

Even the deputy ambassador would not be “summoned”, I said: at most, a very polite telephone call would be made to a first secretary at the US Embassy who would be told in the most obsequious manner that the almost weekly American incursions into Pakistan were getting very embarrassing for the Big General who had done so much to align himself with America that his very life was in constant danger. “Please, Sirji, understand our predicament”. “Pretty please, Sirji”. And there the matter would rest.

The very next day, i.e., on January 15, this is what the national press said, quoting Hotel Scheherezade: “Pakistan on Saturday lodged a strong protest with the United States over the unwarranted killings of innocent civilians in the Bajaur Agency, the Foreign Office announced. The US envoy was summoned to the Foreign Office to protest the killings of 18 people in an air strike apparently targeting the deputy leader of Al Qaeda, Ayman al Zawahiri, the Foreign Office said. Foreign Secretary Riaz Khan handed over a formal protest to the US ambassador at the Foreign Ministry this evening, Foreign Office spokeswoman (sic) said. It is the second protest lodged by Pakistan with its key ‘war on terror’ ally the United States for alleged incursion (alleged? Could it be Martians in flying saucers that did in those 18?) into its tribal region bordering Afghanistan this month.”

On that same day, another newspaper’s take on the matter was: “Pakistan on Saturday summoned US ambassador Ryan C Crocker to Foreign Office (sic) here and lodged a strong protest with the United States against an air strike on its border village in Bajaur Agency that killed at least 18 people, including women and children. Foreign Secretary Riaz Muhammad Khan handed over a formal protest to the US ambassador this evening, said Foreign Office Spokesperson Tasnim Aslam.”

Bloody hell, how wrong could I have been, I said to myself? There goes my punditry (something an erstwhile friend accuses me of having “acquired” lately), etcetera and so on. To add to my discomfort at being proved so wrong, the chief spokesman of the government, Sheikh Rashid ‘Tulli’, was quoted as saying on January 24, “The US ambassador was summoned to the Foreign Office and a stinging protest was launched against the air strike. He was told that such incidents will not be tolerated in the future.”

By golly, who in the world will have any faith in me now, after the complete and utter failure of my punditry? Not only did the FO summon HE, and “launch” a “stinging” protest at him, it even told him “such incidents will not be tolerated in the future”! You can imagine my predicament, reader: there I was, downcast with very low self-esteem, depressed at how wrong I could be even in matters concerning a ministry whose shenanigans I thought I knew inside out. Leave alone everything else, what would Charlie and his aunt say?

Mercifully, my misery did not last too long, for on January 27, exactly 13 days after the FO first lied about it, I read in the press that the American ambassador himself announced that of course he had not been “summoned” anywhere at all!! I can’t tell you how relieved I was at this reprieve from complete ignominy: I mean, there is nothing worse than a failed pundit, is there? Specially when he is ‘punditing’ about something that is so very predictable?

This is the exact wording of the report: “Contrary to earlier reports that US Ambassador Ryan C Crocker was summoned by the Foreign Office on January 14, a day after the US aerial strike in Bajaur Agency, it has now been established that he was not. This has been confirmed by the US ambassador himself and officials at the foreign ministry. It was not at the Foreign Office but at the PM House that Foreign Secretary Riaz Mohammad Khan raised the matter (kindly note the delicate choice of words — slightly different from a “stinging protest”, what?) with the US ambassador.

"The ambassador had accompanied former US presidential candidate Senator John Kerry when the latter called on Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz. So it was on the margins of this meeting that the foreign secretary met the ambassador and lodged what has been officially branded as a “protest”. Foreign ministry officials say that Ambassador Crocker was supposed to be summoned to the Foreign Office the same evening but this did not happen due to a scheduling problem.”

So that’s what they call it these days? A “scheduling problem”? “Scheduling problem” is how lack of spleen is explained away? Being lily-livered is having a “scheduling problem”? Having no backbone or self-respect or shame can be blamed on there being a “scheduling problem”? What effrontery; what brass; what complete shamelessness.

But, pray, wait. By far the bigger crime than serving the country ill is lying to its people about it, is it not? There are several questions that need to be answered urgently: Why did the FO keep up pretences for two whole weeks and more? Would it have continued to lie had the US ambassador himself not come forth? Why did Chief Spokesman Sheikh Rashid reinforce the lie 10 days after the FO first told it? More important than everything else, why does the government of the Islamic Republic take us lay Pakistanis for so many fools?

For we do know that Sovereignty, or whatever you call the bird that has been hunted to extinction in Pakistan, is only for countries which are not client states of other countries, and whose leaders have some little faith in themselves.

As a special treat, three Bushisms this week: “Our priorities is our faith”; “I admit it, I am not one of the great linguists”; “Let me put it to you this way, I am not a revengeful person” — President George W Bush — Greensboro, North Carolina, October 10, 2000; To Tom Brokaw, Inside the Real West Wing, January 23, 2001; TIME magazine, December 25, 2000.

Serves 'em right

2006-01-26T02:35:00.000Z

Thursday, January 26, 2006

VIEW: Serves ‘em right —Kamran Shafi

There was the formidable Pirzada, the great friend and confidant of dictators and autocrats and scourge of many a judge, removing his hat, putting it on again, removing it again and emptying out his pockets, all on order; there was the bane of elected political leaders Senator Azeem, awaiting his turn; there was the foreign secretary, arms akimbo, shuffling this way and that and looking lost and bewildered. Boy, oh boy, what fun!

According to himself, there are two reasons why the Big General is holding on to his uniform: one, that this reduces the clear and present danger of the Pakistan Army not obeying the orders of a civilian president; and two, because ‘unity of command’ is the need of the hour.

While I, commissioned into this same army only a year and a bit after the Big General, am taken aback at this line of reasoning, the oath of allegiance to the Constitution being clear enough and the discipline of the line army (I did not say ambitious generals) an example to behold, let us go along with his wisdom and see how ‘unity of command’ can be made more effective.

Right then, if the Big General is right that it would be difficult to get the army to obey any orders he gave as a civilian president, as many government jobs as possible should immediately be farmed out to the army — I mean, it is right and proper that uniformed officers take over civil government jobs so that the danger subsides even further. If it means the wholesale sacking of civil servants, so be it, for what we want most of all in this new Pakistan (which always comes First, mark) is dedication and hard work and efficiency. After all, what in God’s name does a civil servant with 30 years service know about the health department that an army medical corps major doesn’t? You may apply this argument to almost any ministry/department, gentle reader, and you will see that I am absolutely right.

I mean, what would a Housing and Works bureaucrat, an architect/engineer he may well be, know about setting up housing colonies compared to an army officer, considering that the army runs the best housing colonies in the country (again according to the Big General himself)? Who can run a business — any business — better than the army, considering the runaway successes the conglomerates known as the Fauji Foundation and Army Welfare Trust have proved to be? Who, indeed, can run better and more profitable bakeries and tikka joints and fast food shops — you name it — than the army? Even shadi-ghars, housed in what once were Officers’ Messes, the home away from home of young officers where they learnt the ways of officers and gentlemen?

But I digress; I get carried away in extolling my former organisation’s many faceted capabilities. The point I was making for those that doubt it’s prowess is that if it can do all of the above, running a silly little government department should be easy peasy. Now then, once the mass sackings of the mostly inefficient and good for nothing bureaucrats and other civil servants have taken place, major generals take over as secretaries to the federal government and brigadiers as secretaries to the provincial governments; brigadiers move into additional/senior joint secretary slots in Islamabad the Beautiful and colonels in the provinces, and so on: captains end up as section officers in Islamabad the Beautiful and lieutenants in the provinces.JCOs and ORs can replace office superintendents and clerks and other staff such as peons, DRs, drivers, chowkidars, malis and so on.

Of course, it goes without saying that organisations such as the National Highway Authority the top brass of which are mainly army officers these days, also sack all their civilian employees and take on officers and men of the Engineers instead; the PTCL whose privatisation is off one day and on another, should likewise get rid of all the “bloody civilians” and employ officers and men of the Corps of Signals. Just use your imagination reader: the army has a replacement for every job, so don’t you think too highly of yourself if you are only a “bloody civilian”!

So, there you have it: unity of command at all levels. And no possible danger of somebody — anybody — not obeying orders. Incidentally, the Navy and Air Force can fill in the positions not already taken over by the army in our ports and airports: stevedores, mechanics, crane-operators, janitors, cleaners, drivers, baggage handlers, and so on. Why, the Navy can even take charge of keeping the brand-new Rs 225 million KPT fountain in good fettle!

On to other matters now, and may I say to those who are incensed at the American’s ingression into Pakistan in the Bajaur area and the killing of innocent women and children that there is little point in getting ourselves into a great big lather: for while the American government has studiously avoided even saying sorry, it has added insult to injury by humiliating Private Banker Shaukat Aziz’s entourage at JFK airport by body searching the eminences, all official guests, and how! Telling us Paks in very clear terms where exactly we stand in their esteem.

However, while the injury of the bombing hurt every feeling Pakistani, the insult at New York is only of the Private Banker and this jellyfish we call the Government of the Land of the Pure. You and I have nothing to do with it.

For, only last week, writing about the week-kneed response of the government to the Damadola outrage I had said, “... we will have conveyed to the American Establishment that Pakistan is as ready as heretofore for even more slights; even more kicks ...”.

So let me say with all the force at my command that I refuse to be sullied by the shame that was heaped on these people: I absolutely refuse, for many times have I requested the Big General to please, please ensure that his appointees act with some little honour, some little propriety so that the rest of us poor (and hapless) Pakistanis are not disgraced because of what they do.

Let me ask a simple question here: what would have happened if (perish the thought) Sharifuddin Pirzada, the most senior of Shaukat Aziz’s advisers; or (perish the thought) the foreign secretary, the most senior bureaucrat on the delegation, had refused to be searched on the grounds that they were members of an official delegation headed by none other than the ‘prime minister’ of an allied country; that they were guests of the US government and were travelling by an official Pakistani aircraft — one that had weapons of the ‘prime minister’s’ security detail on board anyway? What would have happened, please? Would they have been ‘rendered’ to Romania, on way to Guantanamo?

Indeed, why didn’t the Pakistan embassy pre-empt the disgrace by asking the Americans to waive the body search for members of the official delegation, invited to the United States by the US government itself? It should jolly well have known what the ‘normal’ procedures are, for other Pakistani eminences on ‘official’ trips have been mistreated before.

Having said which, let me say that my joy at seeing the unbounded pomposity of our eminences drain out of them in no time flat at the hands of the $5.50-an-hour TSA agents was boundless! There was the formidable Pirzada, the great friend and confidant of dictators and autocrats and scourge of many a judge, and possibly the first and only law minister, attorney general, and practising lawyer all rolled into one removing his hat, putting it on again, removing it again and emptying out his pockets, all on order; there was the bane of elected political leaders Senator Azeem, awaiting his turn; there was the foreign secretary, arms akimbo, shuffling this way and that and looking lost and bewildered. Boy, oh boy, what fun!
Well, serve ‘em right for grovelling so hard before the Americans.

May I end by saying that one couldn’t believe one’s ears when the Big General did not even mention, even in passing, the American government’s bombing of Damadola in Bajaur in his most recent speech to the nation. Shiekh Rashid ‘Tulli’ is obviously right when he says that the speech the General read out had been written months ago: even before the earthquake of October 8!

Bushism of the Week: “Laura and I are proud to call John and Michelle Engler our friends, I know you’re proud to call him governor. What a good man the Englers are” — President George W Bush; Grand Rapids, Michigan; November 3, 2000.

Unity of command - II

2006-01-21T03:32:00.000Z

Unity of command – II
By
Kamran Shafi

So then, last week we saw how we could, in one fell swoop, have complete ‘Unity of Command’ in the Fatherland, something that so engages the Big General these days. Whilst we had sorted out governance at the Federal Cabinet and District Nazimate levels, the two most important stages in “good governance” as determined by that great civic engineer Lieutenant General Tanvir Naqvi, we had left out the Federal and Provincial Secretariats. Lets sort those out this week.

Right then, the aim is to farm out all the government jobs to the Army – the poor old Navy and Air force can jolly well lump it: climb a tree; jump in the lake, whatever takes their fancy - so that there is ‘Unity of Command’ at all levels and no danger whatever of orders not being followed because of lack of Unity of Command. I mean, if the Big General is right that it would be difficult to get the Army to obey any orders he gave as a civilian President, it is right and proper that uniformed officers take over all civilian government jobs so that the danger subsides even further.

If it means the wholesale sacking of civil servants, so be it, for what we want most of all in this New Pakistan (which always comes First, mark) is dedication and hard work and efficiency. After all, what in God’s name does a civil servant, albeit with 30 years service, know about the health department that an Army Medical Corps officer doesn’t? You may apply this argument to almost any ministry/department, gentle reader, and you will see that I am absolutely right.

I mean, what would a Housing and Works bureaucrat, an engineer he may well be, know about setting up housing colonies compared to an army officer, considering that the Army runs the best housing colonies in the country? Who can run a business better, any business, than the Army, considering the runaway successes the conglomerates known as the Fauji Foundation and Army Welfare Trust have proved to be? Who, indeed, can run better and more profitable bakeries and tikka joints and fast food shops, you name it, than the Army? Even shadi-ghars, albeit in what once were Officers Messes, the home away from home of young officers where they learnt how to become officers and gentlemen?

But I digress; I get carried away in extolling my former organisation’s many faceted capabilities. The point I was making for those that doubt it’s prowess is that if it can do all of the above, running a silly little government department should be easy peasy.

Now then, getting back to the Secretariats at the federal and provincial levels, once the mass sackings of the mostly inefficient and good for nothing bureaucrats and other civil servants have taken place, Major Generals take over as Secretaries to the Federal Government Departments, Brigadiers in the Provincial Governments; Brigadiers move into Additional/Senior Joint Secretary slots in Islamabad the Beautiful and Colonels in the Provinces; Colonels into Joint Secretary offices in the Federation and Lieutenant Colonels in the Provincial set-up, and so on: Captains ending up as Section Officers in Islamabad and Lieutenants as Office Superintendents in the Provinces.

JCOs and ORs can take the place of clerks and other office staff such as office peons, DRs, drivers, chowkidars, malis and so on. Of course, it goes without saying that organisations such as the National Highway Authority which are mainly officered by the Army these days, also sack all their civilian employees and take on officers and men of the Engineers instead; the PTCL whose privatisation is on one day and off another, should likewise get rid of all the “bloody civilians” and employ officers and men of the Corps of Signals. Just use your imagination, reader, the Army has an answer for every possible contingency and a replacement for every job, so don’t you think too highly of yourself if you are only a “bloody civilian”!

So there, you have it: Unity of Command at all levels. And no possible danger of somebody, anybody, not obeying orders which is the main reason the Big General has chosen to hold on to his uniform. Incidentally, the Navy and Air force can fill in those positions not already filled by the Army in our ports and airports: janitors, cleaners, drivers, baggage handlers, and so on.

On to other matters now, and may I say to those who are incensed at the American government’s ingression into Pakistan in the Bajaur area and its killing innocent civilians that there is little point in getting themselves into a great big lather; that it is almost an everyday occurrence now, just two weeks ago American helicopters landing in Wana and taking away several people who may now well be enjoying what Dick ‘Undisclosed Location’ Cheney refers to as a “tropical resort”: the brutal and inhuman American prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

May I end by saying that one couldn’t believe one’s ears when the Big General did not even mention, even in passing, the American government’s bombing of Bajaur in his most recent speech to the nation. Shiekh Rashid ‘Tulli’ is obviously right when he says that the speech the General read out had been written months ago: before the devastating earthquake of October 8th!

Bushism of the Week: “Laura and I are proud to call John and Michelle Engler our friends, I know you’re proud to call him governor. What a good man the Englers are” – President George W. Bush; Grand Rapids, Michigan; November 3, 2000.

END

P.S. This article was not published.

Unity of command

2006-01-21T03:20:00.000Z

Unity of command!
By
Kamran Shafi

The Big General has once again asserted that he has chosen to stay in uniform not only because the parliament has, with a two-thirds majority no less, made it convenient for him to do so, but also because he wanted to maintain ‘unity of command’ between the political forces, the bureaucrats and the military’. “I provide that unity of command”, he said, adding, “Therefore, the requirement is to maintain this unity of command till 2007 elections.”

This is interesting, very interesting indeed. Whilst the Stanford University students he was speaking to will be mystified why Pakistan and Myanmar are the only countries in the world that need the military Chief to “maintain unity of command” our lot is what it is. This is a given. Let us now see if we cannot have “unity of command” across the board in the country, and rid ourselves of needless encumbrances such as, for one, the sheer cost and bother of holding elections which in turn give us nothing but unstable civilian governments, a fact that H.E. the American Ambassador recognizes too.

Many years ago – it HAS been that long that we have had “unity of command”, dear readers – seeing the way the Army was investing serving and retired officers into the civil government, I had suggested in this same space that for starters the so-called ministers of the so-called cabinet under the so-called ‘Prime Minister’ should be sacked immediately and the PSOs in General Headquarters be appointed in their stead, in addition to their own jobs, of course.

For example, the Surgeon General becoming the Minister of Health; the Adjutant General taking over the Ministry of Interior; the Judge Advocate General the Ministry of Law; the Military Secretary becoming the Minister for Establishment and the Director General SD taking over the FO (for protocol is the FO’s main occupation, foreign policy being made you-know-where).

Much water has flown through the Kalabagh Dam site since I made that proposal; the fur is flying faster in our country’s nether regions, both the Waziristans and large parts of Balochistan; the opposition, made up of the smaller nationalities is incensed against the Mother of all Provinces; and the Army’s grip on the country’s jugular is more secure (or so it is led to believe by its toadies). What better time than this to ensure “Unity of Command” forever and aye? And to end the argument once for all, consider the whole blessed country and all those who sail in her, subservient to the Manual of Pakistan Military Law (MPML) and be done with it.

This is what I propose specifically: Start at the beginning, sirs, and using the toadies add yet another amendment to the Constitution of the Fatherland (before throwing it into the dustbin altogether), to several effects: One, that all babies born henceforth will be considered recruits of the Pakistan Army, arms and services to be notified later just for classification purposes; two, children between the ages of 12 and 16 will consider themselves senior recruits; and, three, all those above the age of 16 years, both men and women, will be considered enlisted soldiers of the Pakistan Army. The commissioned ranks of course, will only come from graduates of that great school called the Pakistan Military Academy, which is so adept at producing national leaders. Read my lips: no bloody civilian will ever be elevated to commissioned rank.

Once the incumbent retires to his farm, the successor Chief of Army Staff will automatically become the President of the Islamic Republic, and the Corps Commanders will become Governors of the provinces, the numbers of which will be raised to the number of Corps so that none is left without a governorship. If the number of Corps increases, so will the number of provinces and vice versa.

Under the new dispensation, and because there are so many of them, Major Generals will become District Nazims and DIGs of Police; Brigadiers District Coordination Officers and SPs; Colonels Tehsil Nazims and ASPs; Lieutenant Colonels will take over as Executive District Officers of departments equivalent to their Army sisters, i.e., an Army Medical Corps Lt. Col. becoming the EDO, Health; an Army Education Corps Lt. Col. the EDO, Education and so on. Majors to take over as DSPs; Captains as SHOs; Lieutenants as SIs; JCOs as ASIs; NCOs as Havildars, and Sepoys as Police Sepoys. Of course, for the system to absorb as many Army personnel as possible, the number of Districts can be increased to the desired number.
There you have it, dear sirs, there you have it. In one fell swoop you will have got rid of the pesky “bloody civilians” and with them the blasted politicians. Next week we’ll sort out the civil secretariats.

In the end, yet another morsel for the Senate of Pakistan which is investigating why Pakistani missions abroad issue visas to people who turn out to be drug smugglers. In one of the too clever by half “clarifications and rejoinders” trying to explain the whys and the wherefores of the shyster and crook Santos Pascual Bikomo Nanguande being issued a visa by an unconcerned embassy, mark, to visit Pakistan as an official guest, we were informed that the heroin smuggler was anointed with ‘official guest’ status because he had come to the Embassy “accompanied by Alogo (no first name, no family name, just Alogo, please note Senators) who was known to have visited Pakistan earlier in an official capacity”!

Here is what I found last night after a three-minute search on the Internet: “Another regime insider, Joaquín María Alogo de Ondo Edu, was arrested as investigations into Bikomo’s activities widened in 1997, but was later released. In September 1998, however, his body turned up in Medellín, Colombia. Shortly before his death, Alogo wrote a confession, subsequently passed to Global Witness, in which he claimed that …. !”

So there you are, sirs, Nanguande’s referrer to the Pakistan Embassy, Madrid, and who himself had once enjoyed “official guest” status to the Citadel of Islam, was a character vile enough to not only be arrested and investigated for drug dealing, but who was later bumped off in the capital of drug smuggling, Medellin, Colombia. Fine company our FO keeps, what? More juicy bits in the coming weeks, Excellencies.

Bushism of the Week: “If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow” – President George W. Bush; Rochester, New York; January 7, 2000.

END

The Damadola Outrage

2006-01-19T02:42:00.000Z

VIEW: The Damadola outrage —Kamran Shafi

While it was comic seeing the reaction of our brilliant FO falling over itself and “vehemently” denying the mere suggestion that our ambassador to the US was being recalled — a recognised diplomatic manoeuvre made by self-respecting countries against others that might have offended it — it is tragic to see Shaukat Aziz jet off to the United States so soon after the outrage

Many moons ago, 19 actually, I had written in this very space that the governments of the “tight” buddies Dubya and the Big General were as one when it came to stupidity and foolishness and doing exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time. The title of the piece was ‘Allah millaee joree’, explained thus in English: A pair made in heaven: well suited to each other — one as bad as the other.

I had gone on: “While America the country is eons ahead of Pakistan the country according to every indicator; while the Americans reached the moon almost thirty-five years ago, and a very large majority of Pakistanis cannot read or write even today; while America is the most powerful and one of the richest countries in the world and Pakistan is a very poor example of a ‘developing country’, aren’t the government of the Land of the Pure, and its tight friend and ‘Coalition Partner’ the government of Amreeka Bahadur as incompetent, inept, cretinous... I could go on and on... as each other? I mean, look at them both go about their respective business and see what a complete mess they are making.”

I had pointed out “the complete and unmitigated shemozzle” in Iraq and Afghanistan and said the American intervention in both countries would “likely go down in military history as two of the most ineptly handled and in the latter case, useless military interventions ever” which were setting “the Middle East and huge swathes of the Muslim World alight with the fires of revenge”.

Fast forward to last week and witness the completely unwarranted US missile attack on the village of Damadola in Bajaur Agency, which while it absolutely failed to take out any “terrorists” did kill 18 innocent citizens of the Land of the Pure, among them, notably, more women and children than able-bodied men. Witness the asinine reaction of the government of the Islamic Republic: of its chief spokesman, Shiekh Rashid ‘Tulli’. More than 28 hours after the murderous US missile strikes, Master ‘Tulli’ says on live television, his exact words actually: “We don’t know if anyone is killed there or not... but still everything is investigation.” I ask you.

Leave alone everything else, is this not a most sorry commentary on the purported good governance that we are alleged to have these days: a federal minister charged with representing this hapless country before the world’s media not knowing what the devil was going on a full day and a bit after Pakistan’s airspace and sovereignty (!) had been violated by 45 kilometres and its peaceful citizens killed mercilessly and for no reason?

As an aside, may I ask my old friend and college-mate General Qazi Ashraf to please take note of his cabinet colleague’s English speaking skills? I mean Inzamam is at least a great batsman and a very able captain of our cricket team.Look, indeed, at the reaction of the United States government, or shall we say non-reaction. First, Senator John McCain, an otherwise decent man from all reports, but one who has to show his “presidential” qualities to position himself for the 2008 elections, is drafted in to say: “We regret it. We understand the anger that people feel, but the United States’ priorities are to get rid of Al Qaeda, and this was an effort to do so ... we apologise, but I can’t tell you that we wouldn’t do the same thing again.” Now, what sort of apology is that, especially to a “tight” friend? How about saying “We are sorry for the needless loss of innocent life; we will make every effort to avoid a recurrence in the future?” And what in the world did he mean when he said, “I can’t tell you we wouldn’t do the same again?” Do what again, Senator? Kill innocents again? I ask you.

This is not all. What does Miss Condoleezza Rice say about this outrage? “It’s obviously difficult at this time for the Pakistani government... but I think I would just say, to both the Pakistani government and the Pakistani people, we’re allies in the war on terror,” adding Al Qaeda and its Taliban allies “are not people who can be dealt with lightly... the biggest threat to Pakistan, of course, is what Al Qaeda has done in trying to radicalise the country, the extremist elements that really occupy parts of the country in important ways, (and) tried twice to assassinate President Musharraf... the frontier area is extremely difficult and it’s been lawless there for a long time. Pakistani forces are operating there, trying to take control. We’re trying to help.” Some help, Miss Rice, some help.

Miss Rice quite conveniently forgot to mention that the Taliban she decries today are the direct successors of the Mujahidin, the American Establishment’s beloved ‘Muj’ who were trained to become, in the words of none other than the daddy of the Republican Party, Ronald Reagan, “the soldiers of God”, in those same seminaries that are now considered nurseries of terrorism. She forgets that the Taliban were the beloved of the Pakistani Establishment right up to 9/11, that same Establishment that today rules the roost in the Citadel of Islam with the full and vociferous support of the government of the United States.But why does she forget? Who is she fooling?

The answer is she is not trying to fool anyone at all, for she does not need to, and she forgets because she wants to, period. The simple truth of the matter is that Amreeka Bahadur is the preponderant power in the world today and those that lead its government by the nose-ring do not give a goddamn for what anyone feels or does not feel, specially its lackeys. It is another matter that they are making their great country and its good people ever more enemies; it is yet another matter that the situation in Afghanistan (and Iraq) is going from bad to worse by just this kind of arrogant behaviour. Which is their problem, not ours.

Ours of course, is that in keeping with our penchant for not doing the right thing ever, Private Banker Shaukat Aziz, beside himself with great joy that he is finally to be admitted to the august presence of the Great Dubya, has gone off to the Mecca of Pakistani leaders, Washington DC despite the Americans wantonly bombing the country of which he is allegedly the “prime minister” and killing its citizens just days ago. I mean, I ask you.

While it was comic seeing the reaction of our brilliant FO falling over itself and “vehemently” denying the mere suggestion that our ambassador to the US was being recalled — a recognised diplomatic manoeuvre made by self-respecting countries against others that might have offended it — it is tragic to see Shaukat Aziz jet off to the United States so soon after the outrage. It is to be noted that the American government has not apologised, the White House deliberately stopping short of an apology.

Whilst Shaukat will get his photo-op with Dubya, we will have conveyed to the American Establishment that Pakistan is as ready as heretofore for even more slights; even more kicks in the teeth and up de’ bum, at the American’s pleasure.

Let me end with another quote from my article referred to above, written 19 months ago: “in both countries non-elected people are calling the shots. In America, the neo-cons; in ours the various ‘agencies’. The nature of both beasts is similar: they are motivated only by self-interest; they arrogate to themselves the right to define and ‘protect’ the ideological frontiers of the two countries; neither have any great victories to their credit; and because they are answerable to no one, neither will learn from their mistakes, to hell with the country.”

Bushism of the Week: “I do remain confident in Linda. She’ll make a fine labour secretary. From what I’ve read in the press accounts, she’s perfectly qualified” — President George W Bush; Austin, Texas; January 8, 2001.

PS: As to the Big General calling the noted columnist Ayaz Amir “unbalanced”, I have to say it made me very sad indeed to see the Chief of Army Staff of the world’s fifth largest army stoop so low.

Traitor for a day

2006-01-02T09:28:00.001Z

Traitor for a day

Kamran Shafi

The Big General has once again, in keeping with past practice of the Establishment of the Land of the Pure to brand its detractors 'traitors', said that all those against Kalabagh Dam are, indeed, traitors. Well, whilst I firmly believe in Samuel Johnson's maxim "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel", I reject as firmly the Big General's assertion and assert that I am no less patriotic than himself. Let me, however, if the Big General insists that I am, be a traitor for a day and say that from what I know about the dam, I too am against its construction.

The reasons I question the dam are not only rooted in the massive amount of evidence that tells us big water reservoirs are to be avoided like the plague, and in the seemingly unbridgeable distrust that exists between the smaller provinces and the Punjab today, but in plain common sense; a little practical knowledge about the way in which water flows even in small irrigation channels, and what happens once you block its exit point; and because I know something of the area which is bound to be affected by the backwaters of the dam.

Once fertile land in the tehsils of Nowshera and Charsadda and Mardan is, even at this time, and without the benefit of Kalabagh Dam, waterlogged. Drive along the Rashakai-Charsadda Road, even the Mardan-Charsadda Road, and you will see what I mean -- you could well be in the waterlogged and saline parts of the badly affected Sheikhupura district of the Punjab. Somebody, anybody, please explain to me why, when the dam is built and the water level at Kalabagh rises by hundreds of feet, these areas in the Frontier will not be waterlogged further? Am I talking rocket science here?

Unless, that is, canals are taken out from the dam! This is where the rub lies. Canals simply HAVE to be taken out from Kalabagh to give some little safety to the Frontier. Sindh, even at this time complains that it does not get its due share of Indus water: how will it get more when water from the Indus is diverted to irrigate parts of the Punjab? What will happen to the mangrove forests in the Indus delta which are fast disappearing for lack of fresh water flowing through to keep the sea from forcing its way in? What about the salinisation of Sindh's lower reaches along the Indus for the same reason? Somebody, anybody, please tell me.

A little about the political ramifications of the dam controversy as enunciated by the Big General himself just the other day. It seems to me that he has chosen to fling all caution to the wind, perhaps emboldened by the ringing endorsement of military rule (and of himself particularly) by His Excellency Ryan C Crocker, the American ambassador, and the visits of senior US administration officials to Islamabad the Beautiful and the strong pats on the back he received from them.

Be which as it may, he must understand that his authority stems from the fact that he is the Chief of Army Staff of the Pakistan Army, and not merely because Amreeka Bahadur is at his back; and because there is no strong political opposition to him at this particular time. Which situation can change at any time as past military dictators have seen to their great cost. It is, therefore, highly arrogant (or shall we call it by the Punjabi term 'vada boll', or 'loud talk' in English), and not very wise, to dismiss so cavalierly the opposition to the dam by three of the country's four federating units.

It is even worse to suggest, as the Big General did some days ago, that the Punjab would not allow work on Kalabagh Dam to be stopped -- once started, of course -- by toppling the government that dared do so. It is palpably wrong too, and tantamount to sowing the seeds of overt and violent inter-provincial strife, to suggest that no government could ever come to power without the Punjab being onside.

Wrong, Sir Ji, so wrong! Let me paint a little scenario: What if, because they are ALL being pushed to the wall so hard, the ANP, the People's Party, the Baloch nationalists including the PKMAP, and the smaller Sindhi and Baloch political parties come together on one platform, and given the PPP's considerable support in the Punjab, win enough seats in the National Assembly to form a government? Will the Punjab then try and destabilise and topple that government? With help from whom? And which Punjab will that government represent? The one that starts and ends at the borders of Gujrat Sharif? And if that Punjab succeeds, will it not sound the death knell of what remains of Pakistan?

Also, and I have sounded this caution before, it is naive and mindlessly arrogant as well to so off-handedly dismiss the larger political parties and their leaders. Whether anyone likes it or not they have not yet been declared guilty at the bar of public opinion as evidenced by the last national elections, greatly rigged as they were. And are not about to be any time soon, for the reason that the military government has made compacts with other politicians alleged to be corrupt. Also the 'governance' being provided leaves much to be desired, as evidenced in its turn by every indicator, instances of crime against the weak leading everything else.

Meanwhile, back at the (American government's) ranch, more and evermore evidence of the cold-heartedness of the American neocons is emerging. Let me quote from an article in The Guardian of a few days ago by Dr Richard Drayton, senior lecturer in history at Cambridge University:

Quote: Shock and Awe: Achieving Rapid Dominance -- a key strategic document published in 1996 - aimed to understand how to destroy the "will to resist before, during and after battle". For Harlan Ullman of the National Defence University, its main author, the perfect example was the atom bomb at Hiroshima. But with or without such a weapon, one could create an illusion of unending strength and ruthlessness. Or one could deprive an enemy of the ability to communicate, observe and interact -- a macro version of the sensory deprivation used on individuals -- so as to create a "feeling of impotence". And one must always inflict brutal reprisals against those who resist. An alternative was the "decay and default" model, whereby a nation's will to resist collapsed through the "imposition of social breakdown".

All of this came to be applied in Iraq in 2003, and not merely in the March bombardment called "shock and awe". It has been usual to explain the chaos and looting in Baghdad, the destruction of infrastructure, ministries, museums and the national library and archives, as caused by a failure of [Defence Secretary Donald] Rumsfeld's planning. But the evidence is this was at least in part a mask for the destruction of the collective memory and modern state of a key Arab nation, and the manufacture of disorder to create a hunger for the occupier's supervision. As the Suddeutsche Zeitung reported in May 2003, US troops broke the locks of museums, ministries and universities and told looters: "Go in Ali Baba, it's all yours!" Unquote.

There you have it, folks, but none of this is news to you or me. Just speaking about the criminal looting of Iraq's heritage three days after US troops entered Baghdad, Rumsfeld's arrogant remark "Stuff happens!" more than showed us the contempt with which the neocons looked upon that country's ancient history. Add to this the wilful, and quite complete, destruction of Iraq's infrastructure for the purposes of the "imposition of social breakdown" and for inculcating a "feeling of impotence" among Iraqis and you have the major reasons for the violent insurgency that plagues that country. People who have lost their all, and have nothing more to lose will do desperate things; people who are made to feel that they are impotent will try and prove they are not.

I end by wishing my readers a Happy New Year; and our country peace, calm and unity.

Bushism of the Week: "I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome" - President George W Bush on the reception of American forces in Iraq; Philadelphia, December 12, 2005.

2006-01-02T09:28:00.000Z

The Monster riseth

2005-12-29T03:36:00.001Z

VIEW: The monster riseth —Kamran Shafi

Some weeks ago I had requested the builders of the Salt Range cement plants, great big nabobs all of them to be sure, to please stop construction on their factories and gift the area they are about to violate to the people. Might one ask the powers to do likewise to the Shakarparian Monster, which should be demolished sooner rather than later, and the area converted into a wildlife park, which is what it always was

Driving along the rutted and overcrowded and badly policed and unsafe, but extremely grandly named ‘Kashmir Highway’ into Islamabad the Beautiful the other day, I finally saw it! There it was, the Shakarparian Monster, slowly raising its ugly head above the woods of the once lovely hill on and around which I used to walk years ago, taking an evening break from work at the PID.

It is a confused behemoth of a concrete structure: part fascist, part Mughal, part Gothic; “a monument to the Pakistani who has given up his today (or was it yesterday?) for a better tomorrow” or some such unintelligible tripe. God, how ugly it is! It will dominate the south/east part of Islamabad the Beautiful and will be visible from miles around whenever the noxious smog clears up enough to see more than half a kilometre, a fitting addition to Islamabad the Beautiful which has more than its fair share of ugly buildings.

I mean we do have the ugliest building in the world, the Prime Minister’s Secretariat; the second ugliest, the MNA’s Hostel; and the third ugliest, the Convention Centre, there too. As we have the Blue Area, surely the ugliest commercial area in the world. So welcome, o’ ye monstrous monster, welcome; this is where you belong.

This is early afternoon, Wednesday, and I have just been to the funeral of Mohammad Anwar, ‘Anno’, who was the gardener and then the cattle-herd at my uncle Farrukh Hyat’s across the road. Anno, and his older brother Miskeen, who passed on some years ago, were objects of the affectionate and concerned curiosity of a young child as I was when I first knew them, for they had a congenital defect in their eyelids in that they didn’t open upwards making both the brothers tilt their heads way back to look at you. They were only slightly older than I, and I remember them as the most pleasant, kindest, gentlest, meekest people around.

As we stood there, praying for Anno’s soul, myriad thoughts went racing through my head. Here we were, burying someone who never in his life hurt anyone; who never ever broke the law; who, because he had no children of his own, looked after his nephews and nieces and anyone else who needed what help the poor man could give. Yet, whenever he needed help such as medical attention; getting an electric or gas connection; anything for that matter, there was none forthcoming from the state and its venal officialdom; leaving Anno looking to his employers and neighbours and friends for help. What “stake” did poor old Anno (and countless millions like him), I thought to myself, have in the state of Pakistan; what had the government of the Citadel of Islam ever done for Anno? Precious bloody little was the immediate answer.

I couldn’t help but wonder what the Shakarparian Monster could possibly mean for the Annos of this country? Whilst our Anno was lucky to have the kind employers he had who provided for his every need, what about the others who toiled night and day just to scratch out a living for themselves? Those who live at the mercy of the louts and the Yahoos of the Qabza groups; those who tremble nightly at the very real prospect of their homes being violated by thieves and robbers; those who do not venture to go out of their homes for fear of being waylaid by highwaymen? What possible help could the Shakarparian Monster be to a poor man who cannot afford to pay doctors’ fees and medicine and hospitalisation costs for his only child?

Does it put more boiled lentils on their plates? Does it give them one more roti? Better healthcare? Better law and order? Wah thankfully has plenty of clean drinking water from its springs, but does the ugly concrete eyesore give clean drinking water to the millions of other Annos across the country? No it does not. The monument is nothing but a testimonial to the oversized egos of our leaders, no more no less.

Some weeks ago I had requested the builders of the Salt Range cement plants, great big nabobs all of them to be sure, to please stop construction on their factories and gift the area they are about to violate to the people. Might one ask the powers to do likewise to the Shakarparian Monster, which should be demolished sooner rather than later, and the area converted into a wildlife park, which is what it always was?

Of course, neither will happen. Our industrialists are too rapacious; our ‘leaders’ more so, if that is possible. More than that, the government of the Islamic Republic is arrogant, and NEVER ever wrong. How can it resile from anything it has ordained, no matter how foolish or needless or wasteful?

Which reminds me: the CDA has completed the fountain at the roundabout on the corner of F-9 park and F-10/4. Whilst it has turned out as ugly as one imagined it would, much more can be done to it to make it uglier: I suggest sky-blue and pink bathroom tiles, interspersed all over it in zigzag fashion. And coloured lights that blink, all along its edges.

Let me now thank the good person who has had the missile at the F-9 park and E-8 crossing removed. This missile, if you will recall, was “inaugurated” by a big noise in our nuclear set-up and came fitted with a red light in its bottom that flashed whenever a high personage passed along the road.

Thank you, whoever you are, and while you are at it will you please also remove the model of the Chagai mountain that glowed white when our bums were detonated in its bosom; or when it “rumbled”, according to a gushing scribe? The model makes us look like idiotic children, showing off for no reason at all and needs to be removed immediately. If the government/CDA doesn’t do anything about it, could a kindly soul who has the good name of the country close to his heart just go and burn the damned thing down? Just like somebody did in Karachi? It is highly embarrassing trying to explain the thing to visitors.

Let me end by wishing my readers a Happy New Year; and our riven country, peace and calm and unity.

Kamran Shafi is a freelance columnist. His writings can be accessed at http://www.kamranshafi.blogspot.com

2005-12-29T03:36:00.000Z

His Excellency holds forth

2005-12-17T07:38:00.000Z

According to news reports, H.E. Ryan C. Crocker, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of the United States of America, spoke at some length to a group of journalists in Islamabad on November 12. I shall limit myself to discussing his take on "democracy" in Pakistan, because his remarks on "banned" militants doing relief work in the quake-ravaged areas are not for anyone else but the government to answer, being as it is in the firm hands of Dubya's tight buddy. This is what the press reports:

'The US ambassador said his country wanted a sustainable, institutionalised democracy in Pakistan, but clarified he was not talking about the kind of democracy Pakistan had in the last decade. "Return to such governance would not be fulfilling that requirement," he said adding, "We don't consider civilian governments to have achieved stable governance."'

'The ambassador said Pakistan at present did not seem to him like a military dictatorship. There was much more open discussion now on democracy and the future of democracy than before, he said, adding the US interest in Pakistan was in a long term strategic partnership. "We need to recognise the interests we share and commit ourselves to sustaining them," he said. "We cannot sustain it without sustainable, institutionalised democracy."'

' "My belief is that President Musharraf means what he says when he says he wants stable democracy for Pakistan," said ambassador Crocker. "I have heard him speak about his vision for Pakistan; of where he would like the country to go, and that's a pretty compelling vision," he said, and then emphasized that implementation was very important.' The report goes on: 'Crocker said … from reading Pakistan's history, Ayub Khan seemed to him a pretty impressive leader, but what he didn't do was establish stable democracy'.

Whilst I want to go straight to the part about 'the kind of democracy Pakistan had in the last decade', we simply must pause and first of all sort out the assertion: "We don't consider civilian governments to have achieved stable governance"! This is evidently not the Ambassador's personal view, but that of official America, for he uses the term "we".

Right, let us for a moment and for the sake of argument, even though much can be said for the sterling work that Zulfikar Ali Bhutto's government did for the country after the debacle of the 1971 war, concede that civilian governments in Pakistan have not been able to achieve stability. Well then, have military governments achieved stability?

Ayub Khan's disastrous East Pakistan policy brought this country stability? The fact that official, institutionalised corruption first came to be recognised during his time was a stabilising factor? Yahya Khan's handling of the situation in East Pakistan was a model of stability? Ziaul Haq's ruinous Afghan policy stabilised the country when heroin and the Kalashnikov flooded the country? And when Jihadis were produced by the many tens of thousands with the US government's full complicity and who are now the bane of our lives? The very first time that this (any?) country lost territory to hostile forces in peacetime was when Zia's military government was in the saddle and we were caught napping and Siachen was occupied by India. (As an aside, because he too was a part-time COAS?). The start of this war of attrition that has raged for almost a quarter century has brought stability to the country?

As for 'the kind of democracy Pakistan had in the last decade', what does the ambassador know about the 'kind' of democracy this poor country had in the last decade? He obviously uses the word "decade" loosely, and means the period of the elected governments of Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif. Now then, because our American buddies keep a rather close watch on what went/goes on in Islamabad the Beautiful, H.E. should know better than anybody (surely 'Viceroy' Oakley left a briefing book behind?) how this country's venal Establishment, handmaiden to the Military-Civilian intrigue-machine queered the pitch for the elected leaders, far more for the non-Punjabi Benazir Bhutto than the Punjabi Nawaz Sharif.

He should know more than anyone in the world the ugly machinations of Mr. GIK when he sat brooding, Sphinx-like, in the Presidency, plotting his next move, placing his pawns in all the important positions in the government and virtually choking off the hapless civilian government. His Excellency should know (from reports filed by the US Consulate's Political Officer at Lahore, surely) of the Punjab Government's open revolt against the Federation, led by the Establishment's then blue-eyed son, Nawaz Sharif, the Chief Minister of Punjab no less. As part of which mutiny Punjab government funds were used to foment rebellion against the "Sindhi Prime Minister" by printing and distributing flyers and buttons and bumper stickers and banners exhorting the Punjabis to wake-up. 'Jag Punjabi Jag' was the chilling slogan.

He should know that whenever civilian leaders tried to make peace with India, the Establishment used every trick in the book to trip them up, even paint them as traitors and worse. I remember so well the time when Rajiv Gandhi and Benazir Bhutto had almost agreed to a mutual withdrawal from the icy wastes of Siachen upon which young men of both countries have faced excruciating, painful, needless death and injury, and the Establishment scuppered it heartlessly.

Blood-curdling stories are legion, of the dastardly acts of the Establishment and its "agencies" in other areas of Pakistani life: of corrupting malleable politicians with Secret Service funds; with using bribery and corruption to make turncoats turn coats repeatedly and often. And then giving politicians a bad name.

Since Ambassador Crocker is clearly unenamoured of Nawaz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto, might one ask him what attracts him to the Big General's handiwork, this present government or whatever you want to call it? Are its leaders, the Chaudhries of Gujrat Sharif pure as the driven snow? Has the Big General's government given this country "stable governance", which "civilian governments" have not been able to "achieve"? The situation in FATA and Balochistan is "stable"?

Might I end by asking His Excellency if "sustainable, institutionalised democracy" is at all possible when shenanigans and jiggery-pokery are employed by the managers, or shall we say the 'general' managers of this present enterprise as a matter of course? Does he think the rigging of elections will lead to "stability"? Or that the exclusion of the undisputed leaders of two of the largest political parties of the country from mainstream politics will help in "sustainable, institutionalised democracy"? Or that the Big General using the Punjab Card to ram through the Kalabagh Dam is a stabilising factor?

And, most important of all, does H.E. think the 'War against Terror' can ever be won without the help of a mass political party operating within pure and unadulterated democracy?

Bushism of the Week:

Gov. Bush: "Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy (Elian Gonzalez) there. I've talked to my little brother, Jeb – I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of – I shouldn't call him my little brother – my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas".

Jim Lehrer: "Florida".

Gov. Bush: "Florida. The state of the Florida".

-- President George W. Bush with Jem Lehrer, PBS; April 27, 2000.

VIEW: Wah isn’t the only unfortunate

2005-12-17T07:27:00.000Z

VIEW: Wah isn’t the only unfortunate —Kamran Shafi

It is estimated that when all of these behemoths are up and running, something like 3,000 trucks will pass through the Salt Range every single day. Watch my lips: 3,000 more diesel-belching juggernauts than those that go through it today

Much have I written about the wanton destruction of my valley of Wah; much about the river Dhamrah that flows along my home and which becomes the Haro a few miles downstream, according to diarists of old one of the finest mahseer streams in all of Northern India (for the uninitiated, mahseer is reputed to be one of the best fresh-water game-fish in the world and one of the most delicious to eat) and which is now a filthy sewer and worse.

Many are the times that I have begged the government, or whatever this animal is that goes by the name of “government” in the Citadel of Islam, to please effect some zoning in Wah which is not only a beautiful little valley with the most excellent loquats and plums and apricots, it is also home to the Wah Mughal Gardens, according to experts a most precious jewel among all the Mughal Gardens in this country and in India.

But no, who gives a damn in these days of “good governance” and “enlightenment”. Wah continues to be degraded in myriad ways: the gardens and orchards are being cut down factories and mills taking their place, mainly flour mills (no prizes for guessing why there are so many flour mills in this part of the Punjab which is near the Afghan border!); the expensive and state of the art cement factory, run by the Army Welfare Trust, yes yet another business conglomerate of the Army, is spewing cement dust into the air by the metric tonne because it has switched to using coal rather than gas and will not use filters to save on expense, and the factories and housing colonies upstream are dumping toxic effluent and untreated sewage straight in to the river. Believe me when I say that the Dhamrah, once a pristinely clean stream now runs red and yellow and green on different days of the week.

While I could not have imagined a worse fate than that which has befallen my home, I was aghast to note the huge cement factory coming up right bang in the middle of the Salt Range, right on top of the stunning plateau over which passes the motorway. Wait, I said to myself, hadn’t I read about this outrage in the press a while ago? Hadn’t friend Ayaz Amir done something on this, and weren’t there letters to the editors too? I called Ayaz, and what I heard made my flesh creep.

There wasn’t just this one new cement factory he told me, there were two others coming up, to add to the Dandot and Gharibwal Cement plants, which have already laid large parts of the Salt Range to waste.One of the new factories is merely two kilometres from Katas, a most beautiful village that is home to one of the greatest monuments of Hindu civilisation — the Katas Raj, which is a place of pilgrimage for Hindus — and which is located in the lovely valley of Kahoon. Quite apart from all the other environmental damage that results as a consequence of cement production i.e., the extraction of limestone, clay and gypsum, it is estimated that when all of these behemoths are up and running, something like 3,000 trucks will pass through the Salt Range every single day. Watch my lips: 3,000 more diesel-belching juggernauts than those that go through it today.

Add to this, tens of filling-up stations and service stations, the latter releasing a toxic mixture of thousands of gallons of used oil mixed with water into the ground; add to that hundreds of restaurants or driver “hotuls” and the attendant refuse and garbage and you have a disaster on your hands.

I have been to Katas and have seen the beauty of the Kahoon Valley: I daresay that while I am a great admirer of the English countryside (well, Scottish and Welsh too!) this valley nestling in the Salt Range is even more beautiful — something like Tuscany. It has gently sloping hills on either side with small villages dotted among rich barani agricultural land and, here and there, fresh water streams too.

Not only is the natural beauty of this spectacular area at risk, the Salt Range is home to many endangered species of animal too, the urial wild sheep and the leopard among them. This is what the WWF has to say: “The Salt Range, which is the primary habitat of the Punjab urial, is facing rapid degradation. Primary among these threats are activities such as exploitation of mineral reserves...” This is not all: the Salt Range is a treasure house of fossils and minerals and shells and other wondrous things, a virtual museum of natural history. A treasure house and museum to boot, which has not even been properly explored and researched yet.

It defies the senses to even countenance any government allowing the building of these cement plants in such an area. It is as if to say this country belongs to us who live in it today; that we will do with it what pleases us; and that our succeeding generations can inherit a bare, hollowed out, and devastated land for all we care. But hold on a second. How would people who have no idea of where they are coming from, of their past, have any idea of where they are heading, their future? Have we looked after any of the beautiful antiquities left us by our forebears?

Anybody been to the Shalimar Gardens recently? Not only was the filtration system (which removed silt from the river water so the fountains would not get blocked) destroyed on the express orders of Shahbaz Sharif to widen the road outside the gardens, we who proudly show off our bum at the drop of a hat haven’t even been able to patch up its wall which is in such a dilapidated state it makes you weep.And what about the Badshahi Mosque? It is now a venue for the marriages of the children of Punjab’s senior bureaucracy, with shamianas and lights fixed on the tiled courtyard. And the fort? Every so often the Sheesh Mahal is used for banquets for the rich and the powerful.

National monuments and places of beauty should be cherished and loved and cared for so that we may hand them over in good order to our children and, through them to their children’s children: we have no right to ravage and defile nature the way we are doing. In Italy, for example, you are not allowed to so much as touch the masonry of their historical and ancient buildings so as to prevent chemicals transferring from the human hand onto the building. We should learn from those who know better.

There is still time, however: the hugely wealthy business houses that are building these cement plants can still dismantle them, and gift the area back to its people in particular, and to the people of Pakistan and the world in general. I can assure their owners that while they will be forgotten soon after their time on this earth is gone like countless far richer people who have gone before them, this act of mercy will forever keep their names fresh in the memories of succeeding generations.

Bushism of the week: “I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together” — President George W Bush; Tennessee, August 18, 2000.

Musharraf Kalooni and other stories

2005-12-12T02:13:00.000Z

Musharraf Kalooni and other stories
By
Kamran Shafi

There is a rattletrap but reliable taxi out of Hasan Abdal Adda that we use when we need to go into Islamabad the Beautiful separately, or in addition to the every-morning-7AM-departure to take young Zainab to school. The taxi owner-driver comes from one of the villages around here, and is a good and decent man. His normal destinations are Rawalpindi-Attock and surrounding country.

Just the other day, I had to cook something for a friend visiting from France and take the food to Islamabad to get there at lunchtime, and made the trip with my friend the taxi wallah. After lunch I had to meet up with the family at a friend’s place in Chak Shehzad. “Bani Gala”?, the driver asked me as we started off after lunch. No, I said, “Chak Shehzad”. “Shehzad Town”?, he says. No, I said, and then explained to him that you pass the Bani Gala turning, pass the Shehzad Town turning, go straight and then take the first right. “Acchha Ji, hun samajh aiee ae; tussan Musharraf Kalooni vainain”! (Translation: “Right, sir, I understand now – you want to go to Musharraf Colony”!). I burst out laughing and have made many people laugh every time I have told them this little anecdote.

Of course I had noticed the sudden spurt of “developmental (as we are wont to say) activity” just as soon as the Big General bought his plot, or “farm” as it is known among the Beautiful People: a brand, spanking new dual carriageway with all its accoutrements such as lighting, drains, a green centre median, you name it; a refurbished roundabout on the Murree Road; news of a new water supply system; a new police station; a new electricity distribution system; a brand, spanking new sewerage system and so on and so forth. But I had never ever thought that one day “Chak”, which is another way in which the Beautiful People refer to good old Chak Shahzad, would come to be called Musharraf Kalooni. But there you are: neighbourhoods are often known by the names of the great men who live (or propose to live) in them. Little wonder then that whilst land prices everywhere else in Islamabad the Beautiful and environs, indeed in the whole blessed country have nose-dived spectacularly, Chak Shehzad’s have quadrupled inside the last two years. And counting.

I hadn’t been to the area in some weeks having been down with quite the worst ‘flu I have ever had, and soon saw that there was every reason for Chak Shehzad to be called what it is now: in addition to the main road, or shall we call it boulevard mentioned above, the road along which the Big General’s farm is located had been widened and repaved. Indeed, the widened road goes all around his property on two sides and stops precisely where his property ends. Just the way to draw attention to oneself – as if to say, think what you will, who gives a damn.

Anyhow, enough of carping about other people’s good luck (and may they have more of it), time now to talk about how much the young of today don’t know what this country has gone through. All they see now is a sanitised, approved version of events that have so changed our environs and us. How many of our children, adults now, know that once upon a time women could go anywhere they pleased without any fear of being leered at? That they could wear what they pleased, did not have to have dupattas covering their heads if they didn’t want to, leave alone being draped, almost mummified, in folds of cloth? How many of them know that once there was an omni-bus service in Lahore, with double-decker buses that ran all the way from R.A. Bazaar in the cantonment (before it became ‘Land of the army’) to the Lower Mall? And other, clean buses, along all the major roads: McLeod; Ravi; Ferozepur; Multan; Jail; Circular; Davis, you name it?

How many of them know that whilst there were always some Yahoos around, there were no Qabza Groups of the malevolent kind we have now; that whilst there were dacoits and thieves then too, even they had a code of honour? That there was not the freewheeling crime that we have today in which the organs of the State are complicit. Or that the vast majority of people had regard and respect for one another. That those of different persuasions respected other people’s religious beliefs and feelings: to the extent that many, many Sunnis joined their brother and sister Shias during Muharram gatherings? That the Faithful were never slaughtered, as they are now, while worshipping the one God who is everyone’s?

How many know that the State was not the namby-pamby of today which only stirred itself to greatness if the rule of its latest daddy was threatened; that it took responsibility for enforcing the rights and privileges of all its citizen’s and did not stand around as a disinterested spectator when its intervention was needed? Indeed, how many know that when the anti-Ahmadi riots were engineered in Lahore in 1952, the State came out to defend the Ahmadis against an onslaught led by the late Maulana Maududi and the late Maulana Sattar Niazi; that a mini-Martial Law was declared with General Azam Khan as the Martial Law Administrator which was so effective that the riots were soon ended?

How many of these children know that we West Pakistanis treated East Pakistan as a veritable colony, calling the Bengalis by the most awful names and epithets; that junior Army officers posted in the East Pakistan Rifles comported themselves as if they were little emperors: keeping trains waiting in the steaming weather while they finished a lazy lunch and were ready to travel. It didn’t matter that the train was full to brimming, or that there was no food and water for the passengers while they sweated it out under a burning sun waiting for the Little Sahib to appear.

Or that Gilgit, which has been racked with sectarian violence for many years now, again engineered, was once heaven on earth: the most peaceful, most calming place with the gentlest, kindest people.

There is such a lot of the past to go over to really get a feel for what people of my generation experienced in that Pakistan: people who saw, and loved, a country so very different from the present Land of the Pure; Citadel of Islam; etcetera, where only might is right.

Let me end by thanking the NATO contingent, which is still here, helping us. Let me also say that we are not only foolish people; we are also ungrateful people. Look at the way our politicos, led by the bearded brigades, went after the government for allowing these troops in, blaming it for collusion with NATO to take over Azad Kashmir and look at the way the government has wilted before them. Really, the stupidity does boggle the mind. If anyone can take over Azad Kashmir with 1000 troops then shame on us! And us having the bum and all.

Look, indeed, at the way the government has asked NATO to pack up and leave because we don’t need them any more, while every aid-giving organisation is, every single day, shouting itself hoarse saying we are poised on a knife’s edge; that there is dire need for supplies, specially warm housing immediately, now, today. Look, please, at the message this particular stupidity sends to the world. Would, say, the UN and Oxfam, then be justified to move out citing this? Really, sirs, you do take the cake.

A brand new Bushism this week: Just last Wednesday, President George W. Bush acknowledged there had been setbacks in the reconstruction effort, saying it was hard to rebuild a country "when terrorists are trying to blow up that which the Iraqis are trying to build." I take it he meant the Iraqis who work as labourers for Halliburton and Bechtel? Which have the contracts for rebuilding “that” which ‘shock and awe’ destroyed?

END

VIEW: An Islamabad-the-Beautiful lunch —Kamran Shafi

2005-12-08T18:58:00.000Z

Except for the wife of a very senior senator, everyone was against the purchase of the F-16s and the building of the new GHQ: all of them suggesting the money be put into earthquake relief; and education, healthcare, and potable water for every Pakistani. Everyone was of the view that the army should do what it is best suited for: train for war and to keep its nose out of politics

At a lunch in Islamabad the Beautiful recently, I was most pleasantly surprised that at least on the table on which I sat, most guests were anti-military rule and pro-democracy: lame, dumb, blind, whatever kind of democracy. Also, and this is important for the important ears in Islamabad the Beautiful and environs, they were to a woman, anti-military takeover no matter what the reason. This should come as very bad news to the managers, or shall we say ‘General’ managers of the present enterprise. And to give them reason to carry out an honest critique of how they have gone about their business in the five years they have ruled supreme; of why this change has come about in the attitudes and perceptions of the Beautiful People of Islamabad the Beautiful. While I had heard about the short autobiographical sketch of the Big General’s that was posted on his website, I had never seen it. It would be understating if I said I was shocked when I read it in the ad; if I had hair they would have stood on end!

Why is his indiscipline when he was a junior officer made so much of? What sort of a role model does he want to be for the young officers of the army, indeed armed forces for he is the Supremo? Is he saying that the way to the top goes via charge sheets and a bad record when you are a junior officer? Even almost getting thrown out of the army is a matter of pride? If I had anything to do with building his image I would immediately excise that quite unnecessary passage from the website. Or, if he insisted it stay, at least advise him to put in a sentence to the effect: “I was young and hot-headed and foolish then... etcetera.” I would certainly not leave it as it is, for what happens if a young and brash subaltern brought before his CO says, “ I was just emulating the chief (who is also the president of the Islamic Republic, mark), sir?”

Talking of role models, I must once more say as an old soldier that the army dress regulations (ADR), for they are the single most important regulations that separate a uniformed (and disciplined) force from the “bloody civilians”, must be followed to a T. I have in this same space referred to the increasingly lackadaisical approach of our senior officers, (and therefore) even men, to the ADR. As an aside, some years ago I had mounted a campaign against the newest model of the beret as determined by the Pakistan Army where it came to resemble a big floppy chapatti standing up at one end held up by a piece of foam, and extending far below the right ear making the wearer look like something out of a comic book. I am glad to say I have had some effect and that the chapatti is being replaced.

Coming back to role models, may I refer to a photograph in the national press on Monday of the federal relief commissioner, Major General Farooq Khan, wearing a leather bomber jacket with epaulets, red collar tabs and all. Now, I might have left the army 30 years ago, but I do know that while pilots of the RAF and Field Marshal Rommel of the Afrika Corps used to wear the bomber jacket, it was never a part of the uniform of the Pakistan Army. Just a few weeks ago, I had pointed out that it was plain wrong of the Big General to use various regional headwear while wearing his uniform during his ill-fated referendum, which became a joke, even among “bloody civilians”. Is Farooq Khan “role-modelling” his chief in taking liberties with the ADR? No, sirs, no. Please follow the rules and regulations yourselves, and see to it that others do too. What, otherwise, is the difference between the fifth-largest army in the whole wide world which also has the bum, and a great big rabble of “bloody civilians”?

Back to the lunch. It has long been known that the government, specially a military government, better watch out when the beautiful people of Islamabad the Beautiful start to become un-enamoured of it. Also, that when once that happens it must very quickly take stock. As far as the discussion at the lunch is concerned, let me truthfully tell it here as it was. I swear the following is the truth and nothing but the truth.To a woman, except for the wife of a very senior (government) senator, everyone was against the purchase of the F-16s and the building of the new GHQ: all of them suggesting the money be put into earthquake relief; and education, healthcare, and potable water for every Pakistani. Everyone was of the view that the army should do what it is best suited for: train for war and keep its nose out of politics. Everyone was convinced that civilian governments in the country had never been allowed by the Establishment, led by the army, to work as free agents to which I disagreed to the extent that the Punjabi Nawaz Sharif was allowed far more leeway than the Sindhi, let us not be afraid to name her, Benazir Bhutto.

Everyone said the civilian governments were always better than military governments for their leaders had to go to the people for votes unlike a military dictator who just marches into power at the point of a bayonet (or several!). And that while the people could get an elected government out at the next election, they could not remove a military government without a bloody uprising.Everyone, and this is very ominous indeed for those in power, was of the view that we Pakistanis had become completely apathetic and that while at one time we would protest injustice anywhere in the world, now we don’t even stand up for our own rights. Which is so right: when I was a student at FC College, yes, the Big General’s alma mater too, we used to be on Lahore’s roads under the leadership of the great Omar Malik, followed by my friend and, reportedly, prime-minister-in-waiting, Tariq Aziz ‘Babloo’, protesting the price of sugar one day, America’s Vietnam misadventure another, and the “CIA-sponsored assassination” of Patrice Lumumba, the third. Now there is not a squeak out of us no matter what happens in the world, no matter what is done to us. I mean look at the spiralling cost of everything and the soaring inflation; look at the law and order situation; look at the wasteful expenditures of this government! I mean, how pathetic we have become when we didn’t even protest when a Pakistani child was almost raped by a Taliban ‘Commander’ outside the F-10 mosque some few years ago, and the rapist was sprung from the custody of the police that same evening by some “core-professionals” of our FO, and some agency-wallahs! Things are bound to change, however, if even the chattering classes begin to talk about protest. Watch out, sirs.

Bushism of the Week: “The public education in America is one of the most important foundations of our democracy. After all, it is where children from all over America learn to be responsible citizens, and learn to have the skills necessary to take advantage of our fantastic opportunistic society” — President George W Bush; Santa Clara, California; May 1, 2002.Kamran Shafi is a freelance columnist. His writings can be accessed at http://www.kamranshafi.blogspot.com

'Land of the army'

2005-12-01T04:24:00.000Z

'Land of the Army'
by
Kamran Shafi

The Big General and his advisors and spokesmen have stated loud plans to build a new General Headquarters despite protests from all over the country to cancel the project, specially now, in light of the great catastrophe that has befallen our country, and to divert the money saved to the massive reconstruction that will be required in the Frontier and Azad Kashmir.

But no, the Army High Command is hell-bent on going ahead, citing an incredible reason for doing so: that because the Air force and the Navy are headquartered in Islamabad the Beautiful, so must the Army be headquartered there for better liaison between the three services. Makes one laugh when one considers the short shrift the Army has always given them, and to wonder how close must headquarters be to have better liaison even if the Army is now serious about sharing ideas with the Navy and the Air force? Mayhap all the three services chiefs sitting in one open-plan office like most business corporations these days? It is obviously a silly reason.

Also, is the army even half right about the funding it has 'arranged' for the new GHQ? Since the construction costs of the new made-to-order headquarters are to be borne by selling, in the words of the Big General himself, 'Land of the army', I have made some enquiries to see if what I remember of this 'land' from my days in the army is right i.e., that no land belongs to the army, it is lent to it by the Government of Pakistan through the Defence Ministry, with the now decimated, decapitated, and 'Armyised' Military Lands and Cantonment Service as its custodian. However, I am told that a Presidential Ordinance (or 'Shahi Farmaan' – remember Sikha Shahi?!) was issued quite recently allowing the army to sell the land, use a large portion of the proceeds for whatever, and deposit some little percentage in the Federal Government's treasury.

The entire proceeding that now allows the army to sell the land was conducted through the Shahi Farmaan, the much-vaunted 'Prime Minister' and his so-called cabinet left out of the loop completely. In stark terms, we had the head of the army which wants to spend billions of the nation's money on a completely useless project put on his Presidential hat and issue an Ordinance giving his organization complete authority to do what it wants, in other words to please itself, with not even a by-your-leave or a nod to his own appointee, the Personal Banker. This is not good; and neither does the precedent bode well for the future when the rest of the country's family silver can be disposed off without proper government control by others in powerful positions.

Why am I writing about this matter yet again my reader might well ask? Because I am visiting Lahore and on my morning walks through the cantonment that I once served in and loved have seen the complete abandon with which this once beautiful part of Lahore is being treated. The barracks are being razed at an alarming rate, and in their place are coming up – you guessed it, the bungalows of the Generals and the Air Marshals and the Admirals. Many years ago I had written about a house being built feet away from an Artillery Regiment's Quarter-guard, a downright sin in my book, hoping to kindle a gunner's heart in the Big General's breast. But no, I have just this morning seen even more spanking new houses, even nearer the sentries of that Quarter-guard.

It is said that the units are being moved to new lines outside the city. Obviously because the price of land in the present cantonment has sky-rocketed and is therefore too delicious not to be gobbled up. But what happens when the price of land in the new cantonment goes up too, fuelled by Pakistan's massive informal economy? Will the units be pushed further out and further out and further out still? Till when? Till they reach India?

Because we compare ourselves with India at the drop of a hat, and want to keep up with it even at the risk of doing grave damage to ourselves e.g., if the Indians buy X number of fighter jets we must too, and so on, let us see how they have conducted themselves vis a vis their cantonments. Well, sirs, from what I know not one inch of 'Land of the army' has been allowed to be fiddled with by the Indian government. I don't know about the other army installations in Delhi where the price of land should be at least eight times that of Lahore and more, but I do know that, for example, the Rajputana Rifles Regimental Centre is still in Delhi; its wonderful Officers Mess with acres upon acres of beautifully kept lawns is still where it was. As an aside, this rather large mess does not have a room marked 'Reception' (as if it was a third-class hotel) that most of ours have recently acquired. The Mess Havildar is still there; no civilian clerks lounge about in dirty shalwar-kameez's (or dhotis for that matter!).

That is not all. The Indian Army too, provides housing for its officers AND, PLEASE NOTE, FOR ITS JCOs AND ORs. The good Colonel Harbhajan Singh, formerly of Rawalpindi who delighted in speaking with me in the Potohari dialect, formerly Commandant Raj Rif Centre took me to see the Army housing in NOIDA in Uttar Pradesh adjoining Greater Delhi. Please sirs, sit up and listen here.

On the very street on which Colonel Harbhajan Singh lived in a row house, there also lived officers of the rank of Lieutenant General! And Major General! And Major! All in identical row houses, except one Lieutenant General with a double-barrelled name who had two houses joined together. The Colonel told me he was the younger son of a Maharaja who had bought the second house with his own money.

All the houses were built on plots which were 8 meters by 20 meters, a total of 120 Square Meters (approx. 12 Marlas) - are you listening, sirs? That is all; just 12 Marlas. Just behind this settlement, was a colony for JCOs and Ors, made up of two-story flats, nicely wooded and clean. There was a CSD-type shop and an MI Room for all the residents of the housing colony regardless of rank. The MI Room looked after non-critical emergencies and had an integral ambulance of its own to move seriously ill cases to the Army hospital not too far away and operated on first-come, first-served basis.

I am sorry I have digressed, but I did so with a purpose: to say that the Indians who come from exactly the same military background as ourselves have managed their affairs so much better, and with far more propriety and grace. Incidentally, there were no tikka joints and snack bars and bakeries attached to the Officers Messes that I saw.

But back to 'Land of the army'. Alright, it is now a given whether anyone likes it or not, that the army will do what it wills in the Land of the Pure. The question I should like to ask is when the senior commanders in Lahore will move their Flag-Staff Houses and Army Guest Houses and Guest Rooms and so on to where they are sending their troops to be quartered? That will be the acid test: will the great big residences be sold too to fund the new GHQ? For they too are built on 'Land of the army'.

END

In defence of 'bloody civilians'

2005-11-19T04:23:00.000Z

In defence of 'bloody civilians'
Kamran Shafi

Despite the fact that the fatherland is completely at sea despite five years of the army's ministrations under one-man rule; despite the fact that the state's writ is non-existent everywhere save where it is needed to perpetuate the rule of the present lot: witness the ever so frequent attacks on our powerless minorities by gangs of misdirected vigilantes with the police standing around as disinterested spectators, and compare that with the stern way in which the state comes down with all its might on political activists doing nothing more threatening than protesting poverty; despite the fact that the law is differently applied to the regime's acolytes and its perceived enemies: witness former Senate Chairman Wasim Sajjad being forgiven the exact same 'crimes' by presidential fiat that former Speaker of the National Assembly Yousaf Raza Gillani has been locked up for, for almost four-and-a-half years under trial if you please; despite the fact that there may be massive allegations of corruption and wrongdoing against it, the loudest defence you hear from the defenders of military rule is "So what, yaar, they are all the same".

As if to say, "So what if the military government is inefficient, ineffective, unfair and parochial; so were the civilian governments before it." Which incenses one no end, especially considering that every time the army has mounted a coup d'etat it has done so saying it has come in to clean up the mess made by the 'bloody civilians', the elected government it removes to take over power. Well, the simple riposte to that is: if the military is going to make an equally big mess, why throw the civilians out in the first place? More importantly, if the civilians make a mess the electorate can boot them out at the next election; a military government is answerable to no one. Indeed, because the military and its appointees are not answerable to anyone, let alone the people, what incentive should they have for doing a good job?

Far more critically, if supporters of military rule argue that it is a given that all governments in Pakistan will make a mess of things whether they are dictatorial or democratic, I would say that an elected government has slightly more right to make a mess for it has come into office by the will of the people. The army has no locus standii at all in the matter, not in the least. But let us not go on to the defensive when talking about military governments versus those run by 'bloody civilians', the army's favourite expression for those not in uniform.

The fact of the matter is that the more one sees the shenanigans, and the ineptness, of army-led governments, the more one is convinced that civilian governments were infinitely more effective - at least those which were not tripped up repeatedly by the establishment. Look at Zulfikar Ali Bhutto's government for one. While there are many examples that prove its efficacy, let us for the moment just look at the man's undying popularity among the masses of Pakistan even 27 years after his execution. So popular is he that even today the State of Pakistan runs scared of his heir despite the fact that she is facing loudly trumpeted charges of corruption and is in self-imposed exile. This is not all: she and others of her party who have still not turned their coats and switched to the general's camp are the only political leaders charged with corruption. Indeed, those who were charged with all manner of corruption but became turncoats and went over to Musharraf's side were not only absolved of all charges, they are important members of the cabinet.

We must also not lose sight of the fact that the sad state that Pakistan finds itself in today is mainly due to army interference in the affairs of state, for the Pakistan Army has directly ruled Pakistan for 31 of its 58 years and for a further eight, give or take a few months, through its acolytes whether they were politicised bureaucrats like Chaudhry Mohammad Ali, Ghulam Mohammad and Mr GIK or nurtured politicians like Nawaz Sharif (who only got into trouble because he bit the hand that fed him). 'Bloody civilians', for the epithet is applied only to politicians who are not the mollycoddled of the establishment, called the shots for the remaining 19.

It is high time the Big General realises that this present system, cobbled together by our ubiquitous 'agencies' and held together by nothing more than the 'power glue' that flows from his position of Chief of Army Staff, a system I have often labelled neither horse nor donkey, is replaced with a freely elected government in which every political leader is allowed to lead his and, let us not be afraid to say it, her political party.

This is imperative for it is not only the affairs of state that are coming apart at the seams; the malaise of bad governance is everywhere. Just look at the shoddy way in which the affairs of one of Pakistan's best girls colleges, Kinnaird College in Lahore, are being run, aided and abetted by the Government of Punjab. Principal Ira Hassan -- let me say here and now a friend of long standing and a gentlewoman, a serious academic and a veteran with 35 years of teaching experience -- is removed in the dark of night one day and a superannuated former principal appointed in her stead.

All the newspapers have written reams on this matter. Let me limit myself to requesting My Lord the Chief Justice of Pakistan to kindly take suo moto action and order an inquiry into the whole affair by a judge of the Court, for Kinnaird is too important an institution to be left to the vagaries of self-serving mafias. This is the only way, it seems to me, that the ins and outs of this seemingly sordid matter -- such as charges of financial bungling and backscratching contracts -- can be sorted out. Also, Ira's detractors tell us that she was not a good administrator. Well, how could she be a good administrator when the former principal, none other than the one reappointed, was virtually breathing down her neck? I mean, she kept interfering in the college's affairs after she was no longer principal, even appointing herself landscape artist and in charge of lighting! It is known, and Ira's camp has not told me this, that one day she had the principal's office opened after office hours to check the lights! I ask you.

A word to His Lordship the Chief Justice of Pakistan. My Lord, I cannot even begin to tell you how your proactive role in matters that need your kind intervention is appreciated by millions of Pakistanis such as I, powerless citizens who try to live a decent life in the face of qabza groups and yahoos of every description and their friends and helpers, the criminals who have found their way into powerful positions within the government, those who prey on the weak and the defenceless. May God Almighty bless you with a long life, and may you continue to do good and provide succour to those who have no one else to turn to.

Bushism of the Week: "I suspect that had my dad not been president, he'd be asking the same questions: How'd your meeting go with so-and-so? ... How did you feel when you stood up in front of the people for the State of the Union address ... state of the budget address, whatever you call it" - President George W Bush; interview with The Washington Post; March 9, 2001.

PS. Why do I feel in my bones that Dubya will momentarily be in The Land of the Pure?

Image getting worse

2005-11-17T04:55:00.000Z

Thursday, November 17, 2005

VIEW: Image getting worse —Kamran Shafi

As for the “image” bit, I am afraid the news is as bad as heretofore, with the brave gabroo jawans of the Mother of All Provinces, under command of the House of Zahoor and Friends, as usual picking on those weaker than themselves and burning churches belonging to the most helpless, the most powerless in Pakistani society — our poor and defenceless Christian compatriots

Two weeks ago I had written in this space that we should be ashamed of ourselves if the Americans were right in their claim that one of their Chinook helicopters engaged in earthquake relief flights had been fired upon with an RPG on a flight to Bagh, Azad Kashmir. I had also said that whilst the Chinooks had come to Pakistan from a war-zone, and were surely equipped with all kinds of sensing equipment to identify hostile sounds from innocent ones, it was difficult to take what the Americans said at face value seeing the unprofessional and ill disciplined conduct of their forces in Afghanistan and Iraq over the two years that they have been in those countries. And that our ISPR might well have been right when it said that the sound that the Americans mistook for an RPG being fired was only Army Engineers clearing a road below where the helicopter was flying.

Well, a statement from the American Commander in Pakistan, Admiral LeFever, now informs us that the Chinook was not fired upon. This is well and good and thank God for it, but if we recall, the news of the attack was flashed across the world, with every news organisation and the Net having a field day painting us Pakistanis as a bunch of ingrates, and worse, our country as one completely out of the government’s control. Now that it has been proved otherwise, the least the Americans can do is to apologise openly and publicly for repeatedly insisting despite our protests that they had been fired upon, etcetera.

Now then, they have not, and probably will not apologise, considering that they are the givers and we the takers of largesse of every kind and manner. Of however many F-16s worth billions of dollars which will bring in their wake hundreds of millions of scrumptiously delicious greenbacks in commissions to the agents who are bound to be the buddies of the high and the mighty.

But, can someone in the government of the Land of the Pure please muster enough courage to ask the Americans, even on bended knee, to please Sirjees, please apologise publicly for making such a palaver about nothing? So that our “image” that is taking a daily hammering will turn a little “softer”? Would one of our top “core-professionals” kindly do the needful, please, and summon one of the third secretaries of the US embassy, or whomever it is that they summon to the Hotel Sceherezade (if they ‘summon’ anyone at all from Amreeka Bahadur’s embassy that is), and register a (meek) protest? As I said elsewhere last week, the Americans won’t eat them up for God’s sake. They’ll only tell them to take a running jump that’s all, but we will at least have made our point!

As for the “image” bit, I am afraid the news is as bad as heretofore, with the brave gabroo jawans of the Mother of All Provinces, under command of the House of Zahoor and Friends, as usual picking on those weaker than themselves and burning churches belonging to the most helpless, the most powerless in Pakistani society — our poor and defenceless Christian compatriots. Shame on them. And bombs going off in the so-called City of Lights, killing and maiming more innocents and making our image a lot “harder” than Pakistan’s image consultant/defender, Mehreen Khan, would want it to be. Well, how will she make it so, despite all the many, many millions that are being misspent in the mad pursuit of making the country’s image ‘softer’ without the government moving a little finger to effect change on the ground?

As I have asked before, what power does this girl have, for example, to take the severest action against the Punjab Puls, and then to ensure that the Yahoos who attacked the churches in Sangla Hill are properly prosecuted; and in the case of Karachi, that the law and order situation is improved?Why will the movers and shakers of this country not understand that (and I am saying this for the nth time), unless the situation in the country is improved from its present state of very bad governance — of the writ of the state being non-existent, of fly-by-night political pretenders occupying positions of great authority — the image problem will not only remain, it will be exacerbated greatly with every day that passes?

‘Political pretenders’ reminds me: are the bells, deservedly and at long last, tolling for the House of Zahoor? If one were to take the statements of long-time political gadfly Kabir Wasti seriously, then the Chaudhry Sahiban are on the fast track to oblivion. Remember, that within six weeks of his opening fire at poor Mr Jamali (for whom I have a new and abiding respect after watching Personal Banker Shaukat Aziz so poorly act the part of this hapless and unfortunate country’s “prime minister”), he was on his way to Rojhan Jamali.

The question to ask, of course, is whether Shaukat Aziz’s star is so firmly fixed to the Chaudhris’ donkey-cart that he will go with them, leaving the field open for my old friend Babloo to ascend the throne, something that was much in the news not too long ago? Or is the newest bazaar gup that Shaukat is the anointed one, being the choice of our main benefactors, our Big General’s tight buddies?

In the end, yet another indicator that if our Big General’s government is in big trouble in terms of getting a bad press, so is Dubya’s. The newest scandal to hit the headlines has to do with the American’s use of white phosphorous when they assaulted Fallujah, and which at the time they denied. This is what the Associated Press, an American news agency tells us: “Globalsecurity.org, a defence website, says: ‘Phosphorus burns on the skin are deep and painful... These weapons are particularly nasty because white phosphorus continues to burn until it disappears... it could burn right down to the bone.’ “A spokesman at the UK Ministry of Defence said the use of white phosphorus was permitted in battle in cases where there were no civilians near the target area. But Professor Paul Rodgers of the University of Bradford’s department of peace studies said white phosphorus could be considered a chemical weapon if deliberately aimed at civilians. He told PM (BBC): ‘It is not counted under the chemical weapons convention in its normal use but, although it is a matter of legal niceties, it probably does fall into the category of chemical weapons if it is used for this kind of purpose directly against people.’”

So there goes the United States government getting caught time after time, telling lie after lie.

In the end, grateful thanks to the BBC, and to its reporter, friend Chris Morris, for so persuasively and so poignantly making the point that those affected by the catastrophic earthquake need help now. All the help they can get. Now!! And, may the good Lord bless the Pakistani and the American and the British aircrew and ancillary staff, and that of every other nationality doing their all, and more, to help. May He keep them and theirs in His protection and may He grant them every happiness.

Bushism of the Week: “I’ve got very good relations with President Mubarak and Crown Prince Abdallah and the King of Jordan, Gulf Coast countries” — President George W Bush, Washington DC; May 29, 2003.

PS: For someone who can burst out howling doing nothing more serious than watching a film, I was gratified to see Chief Minister Durrani weep while speaking in the Assembly on the plight of the victims of the great tragedy. Good man. I have new respect for him.

END

Shameless juxtapositions

2005-11-12T00:58:00.000Z

Shameless juxtapositions
Kamran Shafi

It's been over a month now that vast areas of Northern Pakistan and Azad Kashmir were laid low by the catastrophic earthquake, and yet there is not one word from any of the three governments involved -- of AJK, the Frontier and the daddy of them all, that of the Citadel of Islam -- on the quality and the quantity of building materials used in the collapsed buildings. Which is the very first thing that should have been checked and analysed and made public so that blame could properly be apportioned and the crooks who built them and those who approved the construction brought to book for causing such massive loss of life.

For we know, do we not, that whilst defective, poorly constructed buildings in the public sector -- schools, colleges, hospitals and other government buildings -- are the direct result of massive corruption, even buildings in the private sector -- commercial buildings such as the Margalla Towers are suspect. Indeed, in keeping with the notorious Pakistani penchant for taking the nearest short cut, even private houses may be found to be shoddily, nay dangerously, constructed.

It is also a fact that whilst the government, any government, in Pakistan, is the most intrusive of any in the world, meddling in every aspect of our lives, it does not do its duty in keeping a prudential eye on building practices and the quality of materials used. Whilst it may escape blame for strictly private buildings such as people's houses under the pretext that it does not get cooperation from the people, it simply cannot get away from accepting the blame for badly constructed government buildings.

This becomes all the more imperative when one tallies the tragic loss of innocent children and young people in the schools and colleges of Azad Kashmir. A whole generation of educated, literate young people, the leaders of the Kashmir of tomorrow, have been destroyed and yet there is no effort on the part of the government to take cognisance of the cause of their untimely and most devastating deaths. It is criminal to say the least.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, life goes on as per usual. In Islamabad the Beautiful the other day, I was held up on the road while a motorcade of either the president or prime minister of Azad Kashmir sped along the road making its way to the Kashmir House, the plush residence of the Azad Kashmir leadership where the pair are normally to be found. Need I say that it was disgusting to see this show of power and pelf - luxurious limos and top-of-the-line SUVs, six of them; police escorts in four more -- especially when one juxtaposes this with the miserable condition of the earthquake affectees.

Neither is the Azad Kashmir government the only one which keeps its leaders in such splendour: leafing through old newspapers the other day I came across photographs of Private Banker Shaukat Aziz aka 'The Prime Minister of Pakistan' visiting with the president and prime minister of South Korea and the prime minister of Malaysia a few days before the earthquake struck. It was instructive to see the plain, straightforward, formal rooms in which the hosts received Shaukat and his hangers-on; it was most instructive to see the plain furniture on which they, leaders of countries eons ahead of, and many billions of dollars richer than, the Fatherland, sat with their guest. Compare those scenes with the satin and silk and brocade of our official residences, EVEN OFFICES, and you will be ashamed.

Let us not go that far afield, let us look at India. Just yesterday there were photographs of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh talking to US Treasury Secretary Snow sitting on straight-backed cane chairs with a plain wooden table between them. Compare that with the carved opulence of our offices, even those of the Armed Forces chiefs, and you will see what I mean. I daresay even the White House, the residence of the most powerful (I did not say the most intelligent, please note) man in the whole wide world is less flash.

Which reminds me: so the Americans were wrong about the RPG attack on one of their Chinooks according to reports in the press attributed to US Navy Rear Adm. Michael LeFever, commander of the US Disaster Assistance Centre in Pakistan and our ISPR was right that the sound of the explosion was that of Army Engineers clearing a road down below. Well, since news of the so-called attack spread across the world in no time, especially after the Americans INSISTED the helicopter had definitely been fired upon, will the Pakistan government now demand an apology from the Americans? This is imperative and will go a long way in convincing the world that we are not THAT bad!

Come on, you "core-professionals" of the Pakistan FO, Hotel Scheherezade, Islamabad the Beautiful, demand an apology – the Americans won't eat you (as we say in Punjabi). It is Pakistan's right, anyway.

Bushism of the Week: "There are some monuments where the land is so widespread, they just encompass as much as possible. And the integral part of the -- the precious part, so to speak -- I guess all land is precious, but the part that the people uniformly would not want to spoil, will not be despoiled. But there are parts of the monument lands where we can explore without affecting the overall environment" -- President George W. Bush; Media Roundtable, Washington, D.C.; March 13, 2001.

There are so few of them

2005-11-10T01:46:00.000Z

VIEW: There are so few of them
Kamran Shafi

Is it not a fact that the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan is a much respected body across the world and only adds to Pakistan’s stature as a country which has its own institutions that bring to the fore human rights abuses and therefore helps the government make the social environment better by rectifying those abuses?

For some time now, I have been meaning to write about the Pakistanis who are outstanding in their fields of endeavour; who are fearless and bold; who are, in the main, altruistic and well-meaning; who feel for their fellow man and woman; who are well-read and well-spoken; who occupy a place of prominence in our country whether the state acknowledges them or not; and who are known for being outstanding even beyond the shores of our own country.People we should treasure for being few and far between. Well, my old friend and respected teacher, Khalid Hasan’s piece, ‘Two of Pakistan’s best in Washington’, in this newspaper on November 7 has finally got me going.

I mean, while there are also others, how many people like Asma have we got; how many IA Rehmans; how many more like Aziz Siddiqui who has gone and left us already; how many like Brigadier Rao Abid Hamid and the late Shehla Zia, have we got left? How many Aitzaz Ahsans, indeed? And Iqbal Haiders? How many Khalid Hasans? Let us not forget him, the finest, most sensitive writer in Pakistan today.

Even like my erstwhile friend and former boss Wajid Shamsul Hasan who fought so hard for the Kashmiris when he was High Commissioner in London. They are so few that one could count them on one hand. Yet we do not honour them. We do not take the state of Pakistan, what I have often called, “the callous and shameless state”, to task for not honouring them; for standing dumb while carpetbaggers have disgraced them in the face of the state.

Let us prove this point immediately: Asma Jahangir’s shirt was torn off her back by the brave women of the Punjab Puls in Lahore not too long ago. The woman DSP said on public record they were told to do what they did without the state so much as squeaking. And, almost eight years ago both Wajid Shamsul Hasan and George Galloway who did so much to help Pakistan were trashed in the press and Wajid sent to a stinking jail cell. Their “crime” was persuading the then soon-to-be-elected-to-government Labour opposition to acknowledge the Kashmir dispute in a party resolution. For the first of these we have to thank the Big General’s government of Enlightened Moderation with the Chaudhry’s of the House of Zahoor leading. For the second, the government of the oafish Nawaz Sharif, Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain and the fascist Saifur Rehman leading. So there.

Which immediately leads me to ask what it is about, in this case, Asma Jahangir that so upsets, angers and enrages our present rulers? And their junior cohorts and camp followers, even majors and colonels? What buttons does she press, which sore tails does she step on, that they can’t even see straight when her name is mentioned? What reduces them to blathering incoherence when she is given credit for her work in human rights and for the emancipation of women and for the rights of the downtrodden in our society?

Whilst I have long known this distaste for her among our senior Askaris, it was this Eid that really drove the point home to me when a visiting cousin who serves in the army laid into her in no uncertain terms.Much as I am fond of him, he reacted the way he did when I mentioned Khalid Hasan’s piece on Asma. I don’t think my cousin had read the piece — he was only reacting to the name Asma Jahangir and what he might have heard about her in the past. “She has no right to call herself a Pakistani,” he said (growled actually) in a voice filled with anger: “She should be thrown out of the country!”

While the fact that he got several kicks in the teeth right bloody smartly is neither here nor there, why did this chap, a decent enough fellow otherwise, say what he did, and in so many words? What, I thought to myself, triggered that extreme emotion? Did he say what he did because he knew of a particular case in which, according to his lights, Asma might have acted in an inappropriate manner? Did he react that way because he knew of the army brasses’ general abhorrence of anyone who stands up to them? Or was he influenced by something as straight as a directive issued by the army to beware of such and such people because they were anti-state, non-patriotic etcetera, and among whose names Asma Jahangir’s also figured? Whilst resorting to the last is silly in the extreme, and while I would have thought that the present instant-media age should have made the army smarter than that, it has been known to do sillier things in the past.

Be which as it may, might one ask the powers if Pakistan is not a whole lot better off because we have the likes of those named than it would have been without them? Is it not a fact that Pakistan’s lot is higher in the world because we have Pakistanis who speak up against injustices in their own country and who strive to make the lives of their countrymen and women better?Instead of blind hate, why can the powers not look at human rights activists such as these and many others who have placed themselves in the line of fire for completely altruistic reasons, with a kindly eye?

I mean, how many medals has Rao Sahib got for trying for years to help poor, forgotten, Pakistani and Indian prisoners of either country — innocent but for being at the wrong place at the wrong time — in seeing the light of day and to be reunited with their families? Is it not a fact that the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan is a much respected body across the world and only adds to Pakistan’s stature as a country which has its own institutions that bring to the fore human rights abuses and therefore helps the government make the social environment better by rectifying those abuses?

I, for one, am proud of Asma and Rao Sahib and IA Rehman Sahib and Groovy and Aitzaz and Khalid Hasan and Shelly and Hina Jillani and Shahtaj Qizilbash (how did I forget these last two?) and the good Mian Ijaz ul Hassan and the even better Musarrat (how did I forget them?) and Irfan Husain (forgot him too!). There are so few of them.

Bushism of the Week: “I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging” — At the dedication of his portrait; Austin, Texas; January 4, 2002.

Thank you, good sir, thank you

2005-11-08T17:35:00.000Z

Thank you, good sir, thank you
Kamran Shafi

It is so true, the saying that goes: ‘A picture is worth a thousand words’. Even as some of us who criticised the initial inaction of the government had begun to praise its relief activities, particularly those carried out by the army, there it was: a picture in the press worth not one thousand but many millions of words. It was printed on October 31 and showed a middle-aged man carrying an injured female relative piggyback. Which would have been fine had the photograph been taken in some mountain village. But no, this one was taken at the Chaklala airport, which is one of the bases used by the helicopters that evacuate the injured and ferry supplies to the affected areas. The couple had just arrived there from their destroyed village. I ask you!

For all of the government’s loud and swaggering talk, simple aids such as stretchers are not available at the arrival points for the injured and the sick so that they can be carried with some little comfort to (hopefully) a waiting ambulance. But wait. If there were no stretchers and stretcher-bearers, it would be too much to ask for ambulances, what? Where, then, did the man take the woman? To the bus stop so that he could take her to a hospital? To the airport taxi stand? What is this please? For it shows more than anything else the extent of the completely apathetic attitude of the government; indeed, the extent of its ineptness in that it can’t even ensure something as simple as stretchers and stretcher-bearers at, let alone the rest of the heliports, the most important one.

Taking us ‘bloody civilians’ for so many fools and idiots, just a day after this revealing photograph blew large holes in the government’s credibility there was the Big General stoutly defending the appointment of two generals and not two civil servants to the two most important posts related to earthquake relief/reconstruction. "These are the right people for the right job," he reportedly said at his press conference. So there. But that was not all that he said. There was more to insult our intelligence.

The report had it: "When asked about any possibility of cutting the defence budget in the financial crisis emanating from the October 8 earthquake, General Musharraf’s temperature rose perceptibly. He outrightly rejected any cuts in the defence budget, arguing that the earthquake and security were two different things. ‘We cannot jeopardise one for the other. There will be no cut in the defence budget.’" Mark, readers, this despite the fact that notwithstanding the bragging of Personal Banker Shaukat Aziz aka ‘the prime minister’, there will be a shortfall of something like four billion dollars of the five billion required (according to the Big General himself) for reconstruction. This despite the fact that the raison d’etre of our bum is that it precludes an Indian attack. Yet, there will be no cut in defence expenditure.

This was not all that the Big General hit us with. When asked whether he might postpone, not cancel as I have suggested, the building of the new GHQ at a cost of many billions, he "insisted that this project would move on unhindered … ‘[T]he government is not funding this project. The surplus land of the army is being sold and the proceeds will be invested for generating funds for the construction of the GHQ,’ he said, adding that the government and the people would also benefit from this project because 25 per cent of the proceeds would be deposited in the national kitty." Excuse me, General Sir, whilst we are extremely grateful that the army will deposit 25 per cent of the sale proceeds in the ‘national kitty’, is the army a department of the Government of Pakistan, or is the Government of Pakistan a department of the army? Do all government lands, including those administered on lease (mark, please) by the Ministry of Defence ("land of the army", according to the Big General) not belong to the Government of Pakistan in the first instance? Should the funds generated from the sale of government lands, whenever that sale is specifically ordered by the Government of Pakistan, not be deposited in the government treasury? Should the government then not make allocations to its departments according to need? Mayhap to the army for a spanking new GHQ (despite the fact that it has a very, very plush headquarters already); mayhap to the Ministry of Kashmir Affairs and the Frontier government for reconstruction of schools, colleges, hospitals, roads and bridges?

Be which as it may, in addition to being grateful to him for the 25 per cent, we should be doubly thankful to the Big General for also saying that there would be no new taxes to pay for earthquake relief; that "there is no proposal at the MOMENT", adding that ‘the prime minister’ was looking into the overall financial and budgetary situation. (Oh boy! Just you wait for it!).
The mass of us, ‘bloody civilians’ mostly, should be indebted to him for his smallest act of mercy; actually, the littlest baksheesh, the smallest scrap from the army’s table that he might throw at us. For if he decided tomorrow that the 25 per cent from the sale proceeds of the "land of the army" will not be deposited in the ‘government kitty’, or that an additional tax of 59 per cent will be levied immediately to fund reconstruction work in the earthquake-affected areas, or that 799 F-16s are the need of the hour, not 120, what can we do about it? Bereft of any political leadership worth the name, the two that we do have hiding in self-inflicted exile, and surrounded by lotas and turncoats and turncoats and lotas, what else can we do but clasp our hands and say to the Big General, "Thank you, good sir, thank you, and may God bless you."

Let me end by asking who saw Shaukat Aziz live on BBC the other day? This is what a comment on the Internet says about it. Quote: You may or may not have seen it, but Shaukat Aziz appeared ‘live’ yesterday on the BBC program ‘Talking Point’ with Yvette Stevens, who is Head of the UN relief effort (Director of the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs). She was appealing for more aid, while Shaukat was going out of his way to stress that "no Pakistani victim of the earthquake is hungry," I believe were his words. Even as she continued to appeal for urgent, incremental contributions, Shaukat was explaining that "these people are used to stockpiling food for the winter" and that "they are not hungry!" I could not believe my ears. He might have qualified his statements by suggesting that food is perhaps less urgent than shelter (on the theory that people will freeze to death before they starve to death.) But he didn’t. Nor did he go out of his way to support the UN’s appeal for more aid. In fact, he undercut it.

Yvette must have been stunned, thinking, "Here I had a global audience and was appealing urgently for more aid which is desperately needed, and the Prime Minister of Pakistan was taking the wind right out of my sails!" What kind of false pride authorizes a Prime Minister to deny his own people aid that his own government cannot understandably itself deliver?

Unquote.
I am not at all surprised that Shaukat acted in the flippant way that he did. I have always maintained that he is, for all intents and purposes, a wealthy foreigner who knows neither head nor tail of this country. The people of Pakistan are hardly "his own people"; he is merely an ‘appointee’ of a military strongman, and is in office so long as it pleases the Big General. So why should he have any empathy at all for a people he does not know? I am not surprised at all.

Bushism of the Week: "The folks who conducted to act on our country on September 11 made a big mistake. They underestimated America. They underestimated our resolve, our determination, our love for freedom. They misunderestimated the fact that we love a neighbour in need. They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief too" – President George W. Bush; Langley, Virginia; September 26, 2001.

Things Military

2005-11-08T17:28:00.000Z

VIEW: Things military —Kamran Shafi

The Big General was in his commando uniform, wearing a baseball cap with the words ‘President Islamic Republic of Pakistan’ emblazoned upon it in large letters! I mean, what was the point? Was he telling us that he is, definitely, the president, lest anybody think he is not?

So then, the Americans allege that one of their Chinook helicopters which was delivering relief supplies to those affected by the earthquake at Chakothi was fired upon with an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) at 1:45pm on Tuesday, November 1, 2005 (shame on us if true) while our ISPR gent says they are wrong: that the sound the Americans mistook for an RPG came from an explosion made by Army Engineers, clearing a landslide on a road in the area where the American helicopters were flying at that particular time.

Who to believe? In days gone by, and before we came to know the extent of the fall in professional standards of the world’s most powerful military, I should have taken the American view on the matter as the truth in no time flat. The bumbling actions of the American forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, however (repeatedly crossing the Pakistan-Afghan border for example); the lack of any command and control at all (ransacking of Iraqi museums; prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib and other prisons, etc); targeting civilians when unable to identify ‘insurgents’; and the general loutish misbehaviour of US troops (leaning down from their tanks and Bradlee fighting vehicles and breaking empty bottles on unsuspecting Iraqi’s heads for cheap laughs) as just three examples make one pause and reconsider.However, considering that these Chinooks have come here directly from a combat zone, surely equipped with state-of-the-art equipments to identify the sound and direction of hostile fire, and to separate that sound from one that is not aggressive, the Americans could well be right.

So, what is one to take as the truth? I am confused, and quite frankly, don’t know what to think.I will say this, however: loud statements from our jihadis tell us that the jihad is alive and well in Kashmir, that they are all over the place helping the affected etcetera. In which case, and given the fact that they absolutely hate the Americans, it could well be that the Chinook was indeed fired upon with an RPG. In which case, may I remind those that would do the Americans harm, that they are our honoured guests, here to extend much-needed help to our brethren who are in dire need. In which case, shame on you, Your Eminences, for abusing one of the bedrocks of our society: hospitality.If the government has any sense at all, indeed any shame at all, it will not rest on what the ISPR says and launch a detailed joint inquiry into the matter and get to the absolute bottom of this incident. If it is found that the Americans are right, the jihadi groups must be cleared from the area so that more of those who have come to the Land of the Pure to help don’t call it a day and leave us to our own miserable devices. It is imperative the government do this immediately.

Since we are on military matters let us stick to military matters. I have often compared the US government as run by the incomparable George ‘Dubya’ and the Pakistan government as run by his ‘tight’ buddy, the Big General. I have often drawn parallels between the two and have made the case that despite the difference in levels of development of the two countries, if one is bad the other is worse and vice-versa, ad infinitum. So too with their armed forces, but at least in the American case they have stuck to their uniform for years now, making it easy to spot a US armed forces personnel anywhere in the world. Not so with the armed forces of the Fatherland, especially the army which has had at least three changes of uniform in 30 years. If one were to quantify the changes, the most ludicrous of them all is the phasing out of the cross-belt as worn with the Service Dress and bringing in of the very effeminate shimmering-gold sash-like thing that the officer wears as a cummerbund, with tassels at the end of it. The higher the rank, the more ornate (and more girlie) the sash and tassels and all.

Nothing to be too surprised about anyway, for the army dress regulations were thrown out of the window a long time ago; about the time that the army began to go completely commercial. The horrid Zia started it all, like so much that he ruined, when he began to wear his Armoured Corps beret with his Service Dress. In completely unmilitary fashion, he even started referring to officers by attaching ‘Sahib’ i.e. ‘Rao Sahib’ (sorry, Rao Sahib); ‘Talaat Sahib’ and so on to their names, when the done thing for commanders was to refer to officers by their names only. Only JCOs were called so-and-so ‘Sahib’.

Zia is not alone in ruining whatever was left of tradition and custom, however. The great and brilliant proponent of ‘Strategic Defiance’ General Mirza Aslam Beg the man who, when she visited GHQ on an official visit, infamously received an elected prime minister without head-gear so he would not have to salute her whom he always publicly referred to in the basest of terms, carried on the fine tradition. One day he appeared at the Islamabad airport to see off the prime minister wearing his medals Soviet fashion in rows of four extending downwards. And because our Generals are some of the most decorated in the whole world (Indian Generals, likewise, in both cases don’t ask me why) the last row almost reaching his belt making him a most unseemly sight!

While it seems difficult to match this silliness, hang on a moment. Why, our Big General has surpassed them all: he has actually worn the Punjabi Pagri; the Sindhi and Balochi Topi; and the Frontier Kulla on his uniform, on one occasion even draping an Ajrak across his uniformed shoulders! Poor, poor ADR, RIP old friend!But what we saw the other day, on one of his visits to the earthquake-hit areas, really took the cake. The Big General was in his commando uniform, wearing a baseball cap with the words ‘President Islamic Republic of Pakistan’ emblazoned upon it in large letters! I mean, what was the point? Was he telling us that he is, definitely, the president, lest anybody think he is not? Or was it simply to tell us that he is president of the Islamic Republic, and not say, of Mars?

As a special treat, two Bushisms this Week: “States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live”; “The California crunch is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants” — President George W Bush; Cleveland, Ohio, June 29, 2000; and interview with the NYT, January 14, 2001, respectively.

2005-10-29T00:01:00.001Z

2005-10-29T00:01:00.000Z

VIEW: High time —Kamran Shafi
Why should lay people not put the blame for everything that goes on in the country right at the army’s door? I say ‘army’ because the air force and navy are neither here nor there when it comes to governing the country — they have the same relevance to everyday official life as does poor old Shaukat Aziz. Which is saying somethingContinuing with the concluding assertion in last week’s piece it is certainly true that an entire army; the rank and file of any organisation/department for that matter, cannot be blamed for the acts of omission (or commission, indeed) of its high command/department heads. It is unquestionable too that no organisation can do both: be itself and rule the country, any country. This is a very simple preposition and holds true for the Pakistan Army as well. Also, let us reiterate that the armed forces of a country cannot move from the locations where they are placed for good operational/administrative reasons, without specific orders from their headquarters passed through the chain of command. And that if there is a delay in deploying the forces for coming to the aid of the people, in the instant case for the relief of our earthquake victims, because the rulers were mesmerised with the collapse of a portion of a fancy building in the capital of the country, in the instant case the Margalla Towers in Islamabad the Beautiful, it is hardly the fault of the very many fine officers and soldiers who make up the armed forces. Further, that when they did move, they got down to the task in real earnest, as armies do, and should, and earned plaudits all around.Right here, let me insist that senior officers should not walk around with halos around their heads for the good (and difficult) work that the army is doing in helping the victims of the earthquake. This is what armies do all over the world and is not a particular favour that our boys (and, let us not forget, the girls of the Army Medical Corps and the Armed Forces Nursing Service) are doing the people of the country who provide rather well for them for just such an exigency. Indeed, let us keep in mind that while the army is fed and clothed and looked after in myriad other ways by the nation, there are those who are working extremely hard and in worst conditions as unpaid (and unsung) volunteers, helping their fellow countrymen and women at this difficult time. We must also address the matter of the blame for everything that goes wrong in the country, whether it is a rigged election or bad governance or bad law and order or, indeed, the levels of noise pollution (!) being placed at the army’s door. Let alone the rank and file and the mass of the officer corps, something that even I, a “bloody civilian” now, but one who served in the army for 11 wondrous years protest greatly. Little wonder though, when the Chief of the Army Staff himself is the fountainhead of all power in the country! Little wonder, when he is the one who even ordains who the ‘prime ministers’ (in a parliamentary democracy, mind) are going to be, three succeeding one another in rather quick succession as pleased the Big General and rufaqa! I mean the Big General and his lieutenant generals are the ultimate rulers of the country, are they not? I mean, the Big General who looks with contempt and condescension on the country’s parliament, turns to the corps commanders and the principal staff officers at GHQ for their nodding approval of whatever he decrees, does he not? And this in spite of the so-called National Assembly and Senate from whose ranks is taken the so-called cabinet (the largest in the world, let us note) of the Islamic Republic, Personal Banker Shaukat Aziz deputing. I mean, which department is there in the government of the Land of the Pure that does not have its share and more of army officers, retired, and/or serving, in the highest positions? Even universities? Except for the judiciary, which other please? So why should lay people not put the blame for everything that goes on in the country right at the army’s door? I say ‘army’ because the air force and navy are neither here nor there when it comes to governing the country — they have the same relevance to everyday official life as does poor old Shaukat Aziz. Which is saying something. Now then, what needs to be done to spare the army the bad name it gets for no reason of its own making; and only because of the political high profile of its chiefs? Simple, the massive upheaval caused by the greatly destructive earthquake making it utterly imperative now: the Big General simply must give up his army command and stand for election as president under whatever remains of the 1973 Constitution. To do this he must resile from his stubborn position of trying to have his cake and eat it too. It should have become more than obvious to him and those that surround him and proffer him the worst advice imaginable, that he cannot rule the country through the motley crew he has chosen to do business with. (Let alone the quake, the recent local elections should have more than proved the point!). That he must open up to the real political leaders of the country, let us not be afraid to name them: Nawaz Sharif and Benazir Bhutto and other forward-looking politicians such as Asfandyar Wali and Mahmood Achakzai, and with their support get another term as president. Come 2011, General Musharraf should be nice and ready to retire to his Chak Shehzad farm and play golf when he is not playing with his grandchildren. This is the only way to go. Depending on pipe dreams such as the MQM destroying the People’s Party in Sindh, and the Chaudhris destroying the People’s Party and the PMLN in the Punjab are just that — never-to-be-fulfilled pipe dreams. Neither should he fall into the trap of using the nazims as an electoral college in a country in which one province is 58 percent of the entire country and the largest province accounts for less than 10 percent of the population. Far more than anything else, he should look at the signals emanating from none other than Amreeka Bahadur, even from his ‘tight’ buddy, George Dubya. Why, according to a report in this same newspaper of yesterday, whilst Dubya said on Tuesday that “the United States was working with President General Pervez Musharraf, who is determined ‘to isolate terrorists in Pakistan’”, he ominously added, “we will never expect anything less than victory in the ongoing war on terrorism”. Add to this the deliberate leaks to the US press by administration officials of how they know “exactly” where the Al Qaeda leadership is hiding; add to this the news of a few days back of a conversation between Dubya and Tony Blair in which Dubya is reported to have said that they needed to go “beyond” Afghanistan and Iraq. No prizes for guessing who lies “beyond”, sirs. Please, sirs, while no one on God’s earth can stop you massaging your enormous egos, it is high time you thought about the country too. Come to an arrangement with the main political parties to give the country a more viable and firm footing, and yourselves some safety: freeze the bigots out and send them back to their pulpits for how can you ever hope to achieve anything with them running amok?Mullahs running amok did I say? Just the other day, NWFP Religious Affairs Minister Maulana Haqqani made a ruckus in the Provincial Assembly while referring to a news item (since withdrawn by the newspaper as being erroneous) that said Major General Shaukat Sultan of the ISPR was having breakfast when the earthquake struck on October 8 (during fasting hours). Who in hell is Haqqani to question whether a person fasts or does not fast? Who has appointed him overseer of fasts? What skin is it off his elbow whether Shaukat Sultan, or I for that matter, fast or do not fast? And what if Shaukat Sultan had the ‘flu that day and was taking medication? Who in hell is Haqqani anyway? Give them an inch and they’ll take 10 miles as I have always said. General, are you listening?Bushism of the Week: Now, we talked to Joan Hanover. She and her husband, George, were visiting with us. They are near retirement — retiring — in the process of retiring, meaning they’re very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and are retiring” — President George W Bush; Alexandria, Virginia; February 12, 2003.Kamran Shafi is a freelance columnist. His writings can be accessed at http://www.kamranshafi.blogspot.com

Tent villages are such a silly idea

2005-10-28T23:55:00.000Z

Tent villages are such a silly idea

Kamran Shafi

First things first then, what else but the earthquake that has destroyed so many lives, that has killed a whole generation of children, all of them literate, all of them about to enter upon life in real earnest. There are few young people left in the devastated areas, for the time that the disaster struck was just the time that classes in schools, colleges and the university were on -- it wasn't even time for the mid-day break.

Which is neither here nor there, what's happened has happened and there is nothing you or I can do about it: it is just that whenever one talks about the catastrophe or hears more about it one is stunned at the enormity of it!

One is taken aback at the too many broken hearts and broken lives it has left in its wake. It is just that the tears refuse to stop, even though one thought one had cried one's eyes dry. Which is why when one hears ill-read clerics, and people like the Strongman of Pakistan and the Big General's partner-in-power, Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain say things like "This was God's punishment …" one seethes with anger.

If the earthquake was punishment from God, why was it visited mainly upon the poorest of the poor; upon simple folk, good folk; those that worship Him only for the reason that they are believers; those that eke out a mere existence for themselves and their children in the harshest of conditions? Those who have nothing to do with corruption or hurting other people or playing power games? If it was punishment from God, why didn't the earthquake strike the rich and the manifestly corrupt who go about in their ill-gotten chariots of gold so to say, racing up and down the wide boulevards which are to be found in the neighbourhoods of this blessed country's glittering cities where the beautiful people play? Why mainly upon the desperately poor of Northern Frontier and Azad Kashmir and areas in between?

But leave it be, for there are no answers why the tectonic plates that began to move 50 million years ago gave another sudden heave at this particular time. It is all too mind-boggling for mortals. Let us just limit ourselves to what we can do to mitigate, even slightly, the suffering of the innocents who have got caught up in Mother Nature's design of things. Let's look at this tented village thing.

I have been to Balakot and Muzaffarabad twice now, to distribute relief goods and money sent to me by my friends abroad, barring three Muslims: a Thai, a Malaysian and a Pakistani, the rest of them all Kufaar: Jews and Christians, and a Hindu among them too. I make the point about the Kufaar as an aside because according to our Clerical Eminences, and more loudly than them the Hizb-ut-Tahrir that so wants to bring in the Khilafa one more time, they are the 'Sons (surely daughters too?) of Pigs and Monkeys' and should be done to death sooner rather than later.

On with it then: What I have seen is that most of the people who have lost their homes, or whose dwellings are too dangerous to live in as a result of the tremors, want to stay close to where they were living. Many hundreds of them have put up rude shelters on or near the rubble of their homes and are not likely to listen to pleas from the government to leave their villages and settlements, even come off the heights where they were born and raised, and remove themselves to tented camps. The reasons are many: many have yet to recover their dead from the rubble; most are subsistence farmers who have some little crops growing near where they lived; whatever belongings they had are buried in the rubble of what were once their homes; most important of all, they have family and friends living around them, even those poor things who have lost all the members of their immediate family have some members of the extended family still left, living next door, even in the next valley.
It is a silly idea for many other reasons too. How, for starters, does the government intend to get the homeless to the tented camps? There are three million affectees we are told and even if 1/10th of them decide to take up the government's offer how many buses and trucks will be required please? Six thousand vehicle-loads, each consisting of 50 persons with some few belongings? It takes six hours for a heavy vehicle to reach Muzaffarabad from Islamabad, for example. Add only two hours for the drivers to take a rest and load up, provided the passengers have already been marshalled and are lined up waiting to board their transport, and another six hours coming back to Islamabad and you have a total of 14 hours travelling time for one group of 50. How many trips will be made every day if all the stops are pulled out and everything runs like clockwork? 50 at the outside, considering the time and space factor -- if there are no mishaps, no accidents. That's 120 days, sirs, from the day you start. And it is November the day after tomorrow.

Get the drift, sirs? This tented-village-in-Islamabad-or-Chakwal (which is even further than Islamabad) idea is good only to impress foreign aid agencies with the sight of tents in a straight line, white-washed bricks lining the lanes, toilet areas demarcated, cook-houses under fly netting and other such appurtenances. It is not workable.

No sirs. The affectees must be supplied with their needs where they are. The job is gigantic no doubt, but the government and the agencies providing aid should supply whatever they can by way of tents, tarpaulins, CGI sheets and poplar logs to fashion shelters; and stoves and fuel. The government must then ensure continuous supply of gas cylinders or kerosene oil through the winter months. And, of course, of staple rations like wheat, sugar, tea, lentils and cooking oil. If it is imperative that some of the worst affected people must be moved, they should be moved not more than five miles or thereabouts from their homes. That is, near enough for them to visit their houses regularly; and gradually, slowly, start the process of repair/rebuilding, hopefully helped along with part of the cash donations being received.

Ours are a hardy people: they will cope with their tribulations happily provided they are given the bare means to survive. That is all. What they don't need are people striking attitudes, using their misfortune as a backdrop.

Which reminds me: Many times have I begged those in power to please, please, stop public relationing, and in the words of their erstwhile friend Mullah Omar "running hither and thither like headless chickens" on helicopters which are much too scarce and which could far better be used getting afore-mentioned tents and building materials and other supplies to the poor victims of the earthquake before the winter sets in. May I again beg them on bended knee? Please sirs, have some pity on the people who need food and shelter far more than feasting their eyes on your distinguished personages.

Bushism of the Week: "God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear" -- President George W. Bush; Los Angeles; March 3, 2004.

The writer, a retired army officer, is a freelance columnist
Email: kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk

Screwing up big time

2005-10-25T13:48:00.000Z

Afterthoughts – II
By
Kamran Shafi

Right then, if there is to be any improvement, government leaders simply MUST take a truthful and frank look at their response to the earthquake, and at the way in which their instructions (assuming there were any!) were followed or not followed by the government machinery. Here and now I must point out that a whole lot of us who write in the press, including I, lighted upon the Army as the most convenient whipping boy. But the Army must be ordered to move somewhere or other, and to do this or that. If the high command does not order the field formations to move, they will not move. What was the corpulent government of the Islamic Republic ‘co-led’ by Private Banker Shaukat Aziz doing for the 72 hours the Big General himself says were lost?

Some of my friends are part, like so many thousands of our countrymen and women, of a group that is trying to help out with food and other supplies to the quake-hit areas. My friend Saeed Anwar who went to Balakot and areas higher on Nov. 11th and again on the 14th, told me there was a huge difference between the tamasha then, and now, after Army units belonging to Kharian moved into the area. Traffic is under control; soldiers are escorting trucks carrying relief supplies so that they are not set upon by anxious affectees (who can blame them, for they have nothing?); the Army is even accepting supplies in their marshalling area near Mansehra, which they will then deliver according to need. The difference is between night and day, Saeed says. Whilst we reserve the right to criticise, we must also have the heart to commend. So, very well done, chaps.

This is good and well, in the words of my old pal and colleague Ashraf Afridi. But we must identify some other aspects of disaster response that need immediate repair/overhauling. While the shemozzle in Kashmir is a joint venture of the GOP and the AJK government as we have just seen, the administration of Islamabad the Beautiful, the Capital City of the Citadel of Islam has a huge part to play in the tragedy of the collapse of the Margalla Towers block. Whilst I was myself lusting for a flat in that building but could not buy it for want of funds (who says being poor is always bad?!), I had no inkling through all the negotiations that its Completion Certificate hadn’t yet been issued! A Completion Certificate is issued by the CDA when the Authority has satisfied itself that rules and regulations have been followed, is it not? How and why then, pray, were people allowed to live in the building by the CDA? Should the building not have been boarded up and a guard placed on it by the CDA UNTIL the owners met all the conditions and were issued the Completion Certificate? Something far wrong here, sirs! Bribery and corruption, what else.

Second, the CDA must invest in state-of-the-art fire-fighting equipment, which can evacuate people from fifteen floors up and which has equipment that can cut through reinforced concrete. This is an imperative for Islamabad the Beautiful where there are many tall buildings now. As a matter of fact, if we ask the Americans nicely mayhap they will donate some second-hand fire trucks, and provide trainers too. It is the Fire Department that arrives first off at the scene of an incident such as the Margalla Towers collapse, or a fire. Please recall the fire in the Shaheed-i-Millat Secretariat some years ago, which no one could do anything about.

Third, people, no matter who they are, should visit the site of recovery work only on a need-to basis. There was no need at all for the Big General to visit the Margalla Towers just as the initial work of recovery was underway, and which came to a grinding halt while he was there due to concerns about his safety. He could as easily sit in a Command Post and be updated by the minute, rather than the Blue Book or whatever it is called now coming into play. As a matter of fact, a dedicated TV link from the scene of a disaster could be arranged for the Big General, beaming directly to wherever he might be – even in his limo (or Humvee!).

Likewise, there was no need for him to go to the affected areas in the Frontier and AJK for the reason that at least two (if not three) helicopters, of which aircraft there is a paucity according to himself, were surely tied up for five, six hours of flying time ferrying him and his staff. They could have well used that time dropping supplies, and on return ferrying the critically injured to hospitals. The Big General in this case too, could have been kept informed by the senior officer in the area who could fly about anywhere in one small helicopter. The Big General could have gone to see for himself some days down the line when the situation wasn’t so fraught. For example, when helicopters donated by other countries had come in. The PRIMARY duty of a government is to provide IMMEDIATE succour, not present its leaders with photo opportunities.

As for Private Banker Shaukat Aziz, there was no need for him to play follow-the-leader with the Big General as he clambered over the roof of the collapsed Margalla Tower, inadvisedly, for there were people under it, we must note. Neither was there any need for him to go flying off to AJK in more helicopters along with his entourage. What has he got to do with anything with the Big General in total command?

Hopefully, this present dispensation, which is neither horse nor donkey, which is fat and flabby just like its sister in AJK, will surprise us all and admit its faults (that’ll be the day, folks) and learn its lessons from this very great tragedy. As for me, my heart is heavy with sadness and grief for my compatriots, specially the children who were cut down before their prime. I want to lighten up a bit, and share with you something that made me laugh out loud, through my tears. For in every situation you have somebody who is needlessly and fatuously arrogant, say or do something quite ludicrous. On the day of the earthquake, there was a report on Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain making certain remarks while at the Margalla Towers where he is reported to have “overseen and coordinated relief and rescue efforts for seven hours”. (If that is so, he made an atrociously pathetic job of it by letting hundreds of lay people climb all over the roof of the fallen building when there were still people buried under it!). The report goes on: “In the absence of PML President Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain, Mushahid Hussain took charge of all these efforts on behalf of the ruling party. He talked to senior officials of different agencies for speeding up the rescue operation at the collapsed Margalla Tower”. (Which had little effect as we know!).

He is also reported to have been “impressed with a Kenyan national who was engaged in relief measures” and then to have ‘“noticed’ a Pakistani American, Farooq, using a megaphone … directing people”; “he also ‘noted’ a labourer”, and “‘noticed’ General (retd) Jehandad of the Red Crescent Society, with his team, helping people at the place”. All of these lucky people, specially General Jahandad Khan (never mind that whilst he is famous for setting up the Al-Shifa eye hospitals across the country, only infamy is ‘Mandela’s’ for egging Nawaz Sharif on to “Play on the front foot, Mian Sahib Ji”, and then abandoning him and becoming a lota) should consider themselves doubly blessed that they were ‘noted’ and ‘noticed’ by Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain! Wow! What luck!

Will the pompousness never end?

Bushism of the Week: “I want you to know that farmers are not going to be secondary thoughts to a Bush administration. They will be in the forethought of our thinking” – President George W. Bush; Salinas, California; August 10, 2000.

VIEW: Screwing up big time —Kamran Shafi

By golly, our ‘core-professional diplomats’, those who inhabit the Hotel Scheherezade in their suited-booted dozens are something else; by God they take the cake, every single time. Give them the easiest problem to solve and they will mess it up right bloody royally; tell them to handle the simplest of diplomatic situations and they will screw up well and proper. Look at the way they have reacted to the Indian offer of helicopters that was made at least a week ago.

It is important to note that the FO came out with its scintillatingly brilliant reply fully six days after the Big General had already made clear to the chagrin of the rest of the world that (let alone helicopters which had not been offered when Mr Manmohan Singh made the gracious Indian offer) it would be difficult to accept any aid at all from India for there were ‘sensitivities’ involved.Then India offered the helicopters to help in the aid effort and the FO stepped right into it, and dragged us into it too. The brilliant formulators and directors of the Islamic Republic’s relations with the rest of the world announced that Pakistan could accept Indian helicopters but without Indian pilots! I ask you! So absurd was this offensively condescending ‘acceptance’ that despite the fact that I was lying in my favourite recliner, dog-tired after a long trip to Batal and Balakot, I fell right out of it! I mean really! The Indians, of course, turned us down point-blank, surprise, surprise.

While the Indians are grandstanding, offering Pakistan the helicopters when their own affected people are yelling and screaming for them, it defies sense that our FO should have the temerity, indeed the foolishness, it has exhibited. I, of course, am not at all surprised, for having seen it up close for too many nauseating years now, I know that this sort of absolutely senseless twaddle is to be fully expected from our ‘core-professionals’. But let’s look at this a little closer, and try to fathom how in heaven’s name the Little Sahibs of the FO convinced themselves that this chalaki would work.

What did they think, then? That the Indians would agree to let us have the helicopters? That in case they were of a configuration different to ours the Indians would run conversion courses for our pilots? (Where, by the way?) That they would then partly disassemble the helicopters and transport them to Pakistan in cargo planes? That they would allow us to change if not all of the livery, to at least paint out Indian roundels and paint on our own, for how could Pakistani pilots fly helicopters done up in Indian colours? Does no one in the Hotel Scheherezade do any thinking whatsoever? Have all the “core-professionals” taken leave of their senses so completely that they would make such a preposterous, nay ludicrous, demand?

If we need the Indian helicopters so badly that we have gone to the extent of making such big bloody fools of ourselves by making such a totally stupid demand of the Indians, why could we not let Indian crews fly their machines and help out? What is it about AJK that the Indians don’t know, can some FO eminence please tell me? What, indeed, is there about Held Kashmir that we don’t know? Quite apart from the poor hapless ‘agencies’ operatives from both sides (who get caught every so often and are locked up by either country for years on end, forgotten by everyone except their desperately poor families), satellite images tell everyone who wants to know everything they want to know. So what’s the great secret in AJK that we have to keep from the Indians? In any case the Indian pilots could have been employed in a less sensitive area — such as Abbottabad-Balakot — if we really needed them.If the Indians had to be kept out come hell or high water, was this the only way to keep them out? Was it not far better to have told them (and therefore the world) that we could not risk Indian helicopters being set upon and harmed by the people of AJK, who had been at the receiving end of intense Indian shelling for years on end in vast areas of the Neelum Valley bordering Muzaffarabad itself? Could we not have told them that it was too much of a responsibility for us to face at this difficult time?

Which will be as it will be, for we are a unique people indeed who do the most unique things in the world: there will nonetheless be no check on the FO as heretofore — it will stumble as it is wont to do and, as it has done, drag us along with itself right through the muck. I hope people who have waxed so eloquent about the great qualities of the people of Pakistan (and quite right too) have also read about the looting of the Margalla flats still left standing next to the collapsed part of the building while it was being ‘guarded’ by the Islamabad puls. Has anyone taken cognisance of this outrage? Aftab Sherpao? The Big General? Anyone? I’ll bet no one has.

This last weekend was spent in travelling to Batal in Batagram district, and Balakot in the company of my wife and child and an old army buddy and his wife. God, how heart-rending are the scenes; how painful the sights. Every building of the 10-bed hospital at Batal has been damaged by the earthquake. There is no doctor, the hospital being looked after by some pharmacy students from Peshawar University who are doing a right fine job. It was such a pleasure to talk to a strapping, polite young man who refused an offer of medicines that my friend was carrying because they had enough. Incidentally, is it too much to ask the Frontier government to survey the collapsed government buildings to see if the correct materials were used in their construction and to prosecute the contractors/PWD wallahs if they weren’t? They surely weren’t, we know that!

Balakot, of course, is not there anymore: if anything, just 10 percent of the houses and buildings are still standing they too are severely damaged. The Emiratis were setting up a well-equipped hospital just where the Garhi Habibullah-Balakot Road meets the new Mansehra-Balakot Road. There was a well-spoken young man there too who advised us to take the toys and warm clothes we had brought with us to the really needy elsewhere. It was good too to see a squadron of an AT (Animal Transport) Regiment there which is helping get supplies to the far flung valleys which are still inaccessible to motor transport.We must note that while the deployment of the army has helped a great deal there is still a lot to be done. Perhaps to have Central Stores and Rations Depots set up by the Ordnance and Service Corps which would accept all donations and then distribute them according to need in the various areas affected. There is such a great shemozzle there even now, with tens of trucks carrying all manner of goods clogging the roads.

Which reminds me: the roadsides are littered with unwanted clothes, obviously the ‘donations’ of Begum Sahibas who have just assuaged their consciences by sending bales of secondhand clothes without taking the time to sort them and select those suitable for the mountainous areas where they would be used. We saw high-heeled shoes; brocades; pants, and so on lying about. If these are not picked up soon they will add to the general degradation. Please, should anyone want to donate, it is tents they really need — double-fly ones that keep out the rain, and ground sheets. The cold seeping up from the ground is most uncomfortable.

PS: Comrades from my army days ask why the army as a whole is blamed when the High Command slips up? This is grossly unfair, I agree, but will happen so long as the army keeps such a high profile in every aspect of national life. So long as the Chief of Army Staff is also the be all and end all of Pakistan. We will develop this theme next week.

Bushism of the Week: “He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because the results speak for themselves. I mean, New York’s a safer place for him to be” — President George W Bush on Rudy Giuliani; The Edge with Paula Zahn; May 18, 2000.

As expected!

2005-10-12T23:54:00.000Z

VIEW: As expected —Kamran Shafi

Why did it take as long as three and a half days to get something, anything by way of relief, to the victims? Some of the roads were blocked, we know, but why did army helicopters fly over many of the worst hit areas several times every day and then fly away without even dropping some, any, food supplies?

I write this on Wednesday, on the fifth day of the devastating earthquake that has laid vast swathes of Azad Kashmir and Northern Frontier to waste, killed many, many thousands, and injured and maimed countless others. The good people of this good country, as expected, have rallied round their compatriots in no mean fashion and are doing their utmost to help in whichever way they can. The government’s reaction to the disaster leaves, as usual, much to be desired. Natural disasters, whether it was the tsunami, or Hurricane Katrina, or this earthquake, cannot be prevented by a government, that is true; but a halfway good, and feeling, and alert government can at least manage their aftermath in a manner that lessens the pain and suffering of the affectees.In the instant case the government of the Land of the Pure has acted in exactly the manner that was expected of it: bumbling, inefficient, inept, it went about falling over its own feet to our horror and amazement. To compound matters, it has resorted to stonewalling and spinning stories, even trying to emotionally blackmail us by pointing to the scale of the tragedy and repeatedly saying: “This is not the time for the “blame game”. Well when is it the time for looking at things truthfully and frankly so that mistakes are not repeated? When the next disaster (May the Almighty forbid it) strikes?

Let’s start with the block of the Margalla Towers that collapsed and ask some pertinent questions: First, why wasn’t a curfew imposed immediately on the streets surrounding the Towers to prevent hundreds of lay people, most of them well-meaning albeit, from entering the site and scrambling over the toppled building’s roof, adding tonnes of weight to the collapsed structure and thereby further endangering the lives of those trapped inside? Why did it take three hours for the first (civilian, mark) excavator to arrive at the scene?Why, indeed, did it take four (some say five) hours for the first Army Engineers/FWO excavators, drills and cranes to get to the site in Islamabad when speed was of the essence? We must remember that it takes this same army under an hour to mount a coup d’etat against a constitutional, democratically elected government, arrest the prime minister and prominent ministers and advisers, and roll the whole thing up nicely thank you very much. The FWO is located some minutes from 111 Brigade, the Brigade that spearheads all Coups. As an aside, considering that this brigade has mounted at least four to date and maybe more, mayhap it should henceforth be known as 111 (The Coup Maker) Brigade, on the lines of the old and venerated 14 (Para) Brigade.

Moving away from Islamabad, the scale of the devastation in Azad Kashmir and the Northern parts of the Frontier is massive, I know and appreciate that, but why did it take as long as three and a half days to get something, anything by way of relief, to the victims? Some of the roads were blocked, we know, but why did army helicopters fly over many of the worst hit areas several times every day and then fly away without even dropping some, any, food supplies? There are reports from Balakot that every day two or three helicopters would fly over and around the devastated and hungry city and then simply disappear. Foreign Minister Khurshid Kasuri, in a spirited defence of the government, said on television just the other night that the helicopters did not make air-drops over the affected areas because there was a danger of people getting hurt from the falling relief goods! Novel excuse, what! If what Khurshid Kasuri says is even half true then there would have been no air-drops anywhere in the world for all the decades that they have helped those in dire need!

Look, too, at the way in which the government is trying to spin itself out of this one. Selfsame Khurshid Kasuri tells us in this same context, in words to the effect: “Now the cabinet has given the go-ahead to use C-130s and helicopters to parachute relief goods to the affectees”. For God’s sake, does it need the cabinet of the Islamic Republic to make this “decision”? What poppycock is this? Isn’t para-dropping of relief goods as old as flight itself, or only a little bit younger? Isn’t para-dropping the way of dropping supplies? Instead of simply saying “sorry, we went wrong” we get this nonsense, as per always the way in which governments of the Fatherland operate.

Let’s look elsewhere in AK. One of my son’s best friends belongs to Rawalakot. He and his father left for their native town immediately after the earthquake on the 8th, travelling on the Islamabad-Sihala-Kahuta-Azad Pattan-Gui Nullah-Rawalakot Road. The road was open and it took the father and son three and a half hours to get there, just as long as it took before the earthquake. Yet, for three whole days there was no effort to send relief goods and teams to Rawalakot and areas beyond it such as Bagh where too there has been great devastation. As in the case of Balakot, helicopters made at least six flights in three days over the area, not one of which delivered/dropped any supplies. Only one landed in Rawalakot with medical supplies and doctors because the CMH there has been badly affected. There are reports that the administration has disappeared completely and that the people are on their own. The only good news is that troops out of Bilal Camp, no other, came out to help the civilians in Rawalakot. In Bagh, at the time of this writing there is no worthwhile effort by the government.

Now then, where do we go from here? The first thing to do is for the government to take a hard and frank look at how it and its agencies, including the army, have responded to this disaster. Then to accept openly where they fell short and did not perform well. Then to appoint an effective coordinator for Federal Relief to handle any future calamities/emergencies. That man should be a cabinet-level official with teeth, have his own budget, and be answerable only to the Big Boss, in the instant case, the Big General. Indeed, in this present set-up which is a military dictatorship in which we have a general in command of everything under the sun, that man should be the senior-most serving lieutenant general in the Pakistan Army.For who will listen to a retired major general?

Which reminds me: what happened to the report made by the chairman of the Prime Minister’s Inspection Commission on the unseemly fight between the Sindh chief minister and his senior minister, and in which one accused the other of the most dastardly crimes under the sun, including murder? Precisely nothing, just as I had predicted! Is this what we call good governance?

Bushism of the Week: “See, without the tax relief package, there would have been a deficit, but there wouldn’t have been the commiserate — not ‘commiserate’ — the kick to our economy that occurred as a result of the tax relief” — President George W. Bush — Washington, DC; December 15, 2003.

Unique development

2005-10-08T00:40:00.000Z

Unique development
Kamran Shafi
Some years ago, after the advent of the Big General, one of his toadies went on and on about how Pakistan under the General had become a unique country. Quite right I said, not only had the Land of the Pure become a thoroughly unique country, its government was unique too, as were we, its denizens a very unique people. As a matter of fact, probably the only ones of our kind in the whole wide world. Among our many uniquenesses if I may coin a word, and as just one example, we are possibly the only country in the world (barring other well-governed countries such as Chad and Somalia and the Sudan), where laws are made to be broken; where even such an innocuous and easily enforced law as the ban on noise pollution is not enforced. I live on the GT Road and boy, you have to hear it to believe it. Our government, which never tires of telling us how well-governed we are, governs so well that it cannot even enforce a law against pressure horns that is already on the books. How's that for uniqueness?
Take the mosque loudspeakers, and the cacophony of sound that emanates from them at all hours, none of which has anything at all to do with the Azaan or with the Friday or Eid Khutbas. If the Maulvi's young helper Talib wants to practice his singing voice he gets on to the loudspeaker; if some firebrand but semi-literate preacher wants to harangue some money out of you by flinging curses at you, there are the loudspeakers blaring away. There is no thought given to the old and the infirm who may be trying to rest; to babies who might be sleeping. Repeatedly has this government passed regulations against the misuse of mosque loudspeakers but do you think they have ever enforced the law? Do you think the Union Councils whose leaders depend on votes will ever do anything at all to enforce the law? You guessed it: we are unique in our uniqueness.
I could go on and on, but let's leave our uniqueness for a time. The Big General has actually raised the ante by declaring in New York that Pakistan was doing so well with him in command that let alone the developing world, it was better than many developed countries. Whilst one does not know which developed country he had in mind when he made his preposterous claim, and in which way he thinks the Fatherland is better than that country, let me invite him to take just one short drive along the Balkassar-Mianwali road. Even though most of us get the taste of a road in ordinary, every-day vehicles for ordinary, every-day Pakistanis like public buses, in my case a friend's 15-year-old Suzuki jeep, the General, because he is a Very Big General, can go in one of his spanking new Humvees if he so desires. Even that 100,000 dollar vehicle will make very little difference.
It will immediately become clear to him how very uniquely advanced this country is when he goes bumping along the road, and comes across the ten or so sites where the road is being widened and culverts and new bridges are being built. The clouds of fine, powder-like dust, because no water is sprinkled on it to settle it down, are like the worst of the Lahore fogs of late-December when you can't see three feet ahead of you; there is no traffic control such as one-way-by-turn that one has seen operating across the world (let alone in developed countries, in developing countries too!) with the careering, teetering, over-laden trucks which squeeze past you coming from the opposite direction threatening to over-turn right on top of you.
He should then drive just three miles off the road in any direction. He will see people living in wild country with, let alone roads, not even rude tracks leading to their rude villages and hamlets which have no water supply, no sanitation, no healthcare, no nothing.
If he cannot spare the time for the Balkassar-Mianwali road trip, let him drive his Humvee on the Rawalpindi-Hasan Abdal section of the National Highway aka the National Disgrace. Here too, the advances the country has made in the past five years will jump right at him. For example, the NHA started work on widening the Margalla Pass at Nicholson's Monument something like two years ago and the work is still not complete. He will see too the utter destruction of a fine range of hills, wrought by aggregate crushers which have virtually eaten the hills away. Another ten years and there will be no Margallas along the GT Road.
Let him then carry on to Hasan Abdal and see the many ugly flour mills being built in the Wah valley, upon land on which stood some of the best loquat and plum orchards in the country. Should he then want to look down into the Dhamrah River that flows under the Wah Bridge he will see a veritable sewer in place of the pristine stream that ran there, teeming with the mahseer, one of the best fresh-water game fish in the world. All signs that Pakistan is better than many developed countries surely!
But back to our uniqueness. Muslims across the world, from the Middle East to the Far East started the Ramadan fast on Tuesday and Wednesday. We, unique that we are, even when we are situated half-way between the two, started ours on Thursday, proving that the world may well be going right, we will go left; everyone might well be climbing the stairs, we will be going down them. For we are truly a unique people.
Why, can one ask the powers that talk so loud, can we not follow the Saudis and start the month of Ramadan when they do? After all, our holiest shrines are located there; we talk so much of the Ummah, our government even taking cover behind the Saudi monarch when we opened up to the Israelis. Most importantly, the time difference between Saudi Arabia and the Islamic Republic is only two hours. Why then can we not follow the Saudis when it comes to determining when the fasting should begin, and end? It is time the Ruet-e-Hilal Committee was disbanded for the fat lot of good it does.
Bushism of the Week: "Well, it's an unimaginable honour to be the President during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I -- it's -- I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values" -- President George W. Bush; Visiting the Jefferson Memorial, Washington D.C.; July 2, 2001

The writer, a retired army officer, is a freelance columnist
Email: kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk

Brace yourselves, boys and girls

2005-10-06T09:53:00.000Z

Brace yourselves, boys and girls
By
Kamran Shafi

Gird your loins; don the helmets: man the barricades; hit the trenches; get those heads down for the salvoes that will soon come in. They will start with the lack of transparency in government i.e., the rigged local body elections for starters, point out that there can be no democracy under a military dictator, and go on to corruption which is an ever-present stick with which to beat anyone who comes into the sights. Specially when there are scandals galore doing the rounds of the drawing rooms of the chattering classes in Islamabad the Beautiful which were ignored for many years because the Big General was such a favourite of the press, specially American.

I mean, really! If there is a prize for making enemies of friends in the shortest possible time, it should go hands-down to this present dispensation atop which presides the Big General. Indeed, the speed with which two of the most important newspapers in the whole world which were more than friendly to him have been turned against the Big General boggles the senses and far outstrips the fastest speed recorded by a self-propelled battery of Artillery changing gun positions from one map reference to another just five miles away.

Whilst there is little point in reproducing what Mr. Khalid Hasan’s excellent report (DT – Oct. 3) tells us about the Washington Post editorial (of Oct. 2nd) calling the Big General a liar (no less), even suggesting Osama Bin Laden was in Pakistan, it is important to note that very seldom would a newspaper of the standard of the Post employ the kind of excessive language used in this instance. Now, because papers such as the Post are conscious of their image, it is important to take heed of this declaration of war.

It is a given of course, despite what his toadies might tell him, that the United States government led though it is by the Big General’s “tight” friend, the unwise (for reasons of propriety) Dubya, cannot help but be influenced by what the great American opinion makers such as the Post say. Add to that the fact that Dubya himself is in all sorts of trouble: the Iraq quagmire; turmoil within his party caused by the indictment of his principal trouble-shooter on the Hill, Tom De Lay; the disaster known as the Bush White House shown up by Hurricane Katrina; and therefore his approval ratings plummeting ever downward. It does not take genius to understand that he will have to divert peoples attention elsewhere.

My bet is (I’m always good for 100 Rupees) that he will light upon an easy target: Pakistan, which is like the proverbial sitting duck considering the various acts of omission and commission that those who misrule in our name have committed over the years. What bets that there will be renewed pressure on us from our Western neighbour Afghanistan to sit up and become even more pro-active in hunting down the Taliban (yes, yes, I know all about the ongoing operations in Waziristan!); from the Americans to intensify the search for Al-Qaeda; and from everyone as proxies of the Americans to come cleaner about the so-called “AQ Khan nuclear proliferation network”.

Indeed, the Big General is going to come under increasing pressure to clean up his government and introduce real democracy with the major players, let us never be afraid to name them, Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif, being allowed to participate fairly and squarely. There are already calls in the international press, particularly from the Big General’s new nemeses, to allow the more liberal political parties into the arena so that the fight against obscurantism may be fought on a broader footing with the help of these mass parties. No matter what his sycophants tell him, the world knows well that the political players he has put in place are rooted in lotas and turncoats.

Furthermore, the government can rest assured that everyone and Charlie’s aunt will henceforth keep a sharper eye on its shenanigans specially when those shenanigans concern violence against women. In other words, many more newspapers across the world will start taking an interest in Pakistan’s affairs than before. What needs to be done is quite simple: let the spin stop, and let good governance really come into play to improve the lot of the common woman (pun fully intended).

A short aside on the rumours surrounding Pakistan’s quickened opening to Israel. Whilst the bazaar was hot with the gup that his friends had goaded the Big General towards interacting with the American Jewish Council for, among other reasons, the fact that much of the big-name media in the US was Jewish-controlled/influenced. In fact this is what a reportedly senior member of the Big General’s entourage to New York said to Faiz Rehman according to a story done by him and printed in DesPardes, a great web-based newspaper “for Desis who live in Pardes”! This is what the man reportedly said about the General’s meeting with the AJC: “Just wait a few days, you will see a lot of positive stories [on Pakistan] in the media, and soon $300 million to $400 million investment will flow into Pakistan...”!

The Washington Post editorial, and the almost daily excoriating we are subjected to by New York Times prove just how wrong the man (or was it woman?) was. Are these the counsels of the Big General? People who have the temerity to think that just because the General speaks to a collection of the most powerful among the most powerful community (the Big General’s words, not mine) in the United States will make the newspapers change their editorial policies? Is it even remotely possible that the publishers of the Washingtom Post and the New York Times will tell their editorial writers not to write this, that, or the other about Pakistan because the General spoke to the AJC? Don’t they know about the independence of the press? (Trying to justify that Iraq had WMD as the NYT foolishly did was a national ‘imperative’ so to say; what it says about the Fatherland is certainly not). Have they got their heads screwed on right, these nitwits who the Big General quite evidently listens to?

Let me give him some more unsolicited advice: Make your peace with the country’s real political leaders, General, therein (in the words of the Information wallahs) lies the country’s safety, and your own.

Bushisms of the Week: (1) “Anyway, I’m so thankful, and so gracious – I’m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well” – Miami; June 4, 2001. (2) “The senator has got to understand if he’s going to have – he can’t have it both ways. He can’t take the high horse and then claim the low road” – Florence, South Carolina; Feb. 17, 2000.

END

The state rolls on, impotently

2005-09-30T11:30:00.000Z

Kamran Shafi

Just on the heels of the government's knee-jerk responses showing self-righteous indignation at the stick the Big General has come in for as a direct result of his by now infamous remarks about rape, there are at least five credible stories in the press about this dastardly crime being committed upon all manner of victims, from baby girls to grand-mothers. The one that stands out, however, is about an under-aged (according to the Hindu way) Hindu girl who was kidnapped and gang-raped in Jacobabad, Sindh, and who has subsequently reportedly converted to Islam and married one of her assailants. The two criminals who had been arrested for the crime of rape have been released consequent to the girl's statement in court regarding her marriage to one of them.

The case has been discussed in the National Assembly, no less, reportedly in the following words: "Speaking in the National Assembly Minister of State for Interior Wasim Shahzad said that the girl was abducted on September 14 and a case was registered the same day. 'Two of the four abductors were arrested', he said in response to a Calling Attention Notice. The minister said she gave a statement in the court that she has married one of the accused and embraced Islam at Dargah Amrit Sharif. 'In light of her statement the court dismissed the case and freed the rapists,' Wasim added".

Isn't something very, very wrong here? The case that was registered on September 14 against the four was one of the horrible crime of rape was it not? Suppose the poor girl was intimidated into proselytising and changing her religion AND marrying one of her assailants to let them off the hook? Does the State have no part to play in any of this? Can the State not be a complainant and prosecute the case on its own, for the original crime of rape, carried out by four men? What about Zina bil Jabr something we hear so much about in the Land of the Pure? Or is it only to be applied in reverse: to women who have been raped?

This is not all. Minority members of the National Assembly, Gayan Chand Singh, Krishan Bheel and Ramesh Lal have demanded that the case be dealt with as one of abduction because under Hindu law and custom a girl of 17 is a minor and cannot marry of her own will until she is 20. If Pakistani society is inclusive, and all are equal citizens of the country, the State must enforce the customs according to which its various components, including Hindus, live. Surely the girl can be recovered from the rapists and returned to her parents, and the criminals proceeded against by the mighty State of Pakistan?

In a further and equally damaging revelation made in the National Assembly, Krishan Bheel said many Hindus, businessmen and others, are also being kidnapped for huge ransom in Sindh. "These incidents are taking place to force the Hindus to leave Pakistan, where they have been living for the past five thousand years", he said. "Several religious parties are reportedly behind this move by convincing the people that it is their moral responsibility to get rid of infidels from Pakistan and (that) taking ransom from non-Muslims is not a sin" the report concludes.

These are serious charges and show up the hollowness of the government's fight-back against what it still says is an unfair reading of the Big General's remarks to the Washington Post. Which, by the way, the newspaper has posted, in an audio clip on its website at: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/audio/2005/09/23/AU2005092301253.html

Before I go any further, however, after hearing the General himself I have to say that he started on the issue of women and rape and violence in an extremely eloquent and supportive manner. In a nine-minute clip of his own voice and words there are eight minutes in which he says just the right things; just the things that need to be said in addressing the problems of women in our country which is made up largely of misogynists of the worst kind. And then, out of the blue, the BOMBSHELL for no reason under the sun and the moon and the stars: bila wajah he says what the WP says he said. So outlandish and shocking were his remarks that one can clearly hear several loud (and unbelieving) moans from someone or other present in the same room as the General. Actually, despite reading the remarks repeatedly; in spite of writing about them twice, and having taken part in a demonstration called by the JAC in Islamabad to protest them this last Thursday even I could not help an "Oh no!" escape my lips when I heard them verbatim yesterday.

Let me once again advise the Big General to apologise -- it will only prove he is a big man. And to women it will send the signal that he is their protector who just made a mistake that is all. It will do much more for him than any silly letter to the editor such as the one written by our Ambassador to Washington to the NY Times the other day.

Bushism of the Week: "Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to -- I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking through that" -- President George W. Bush; U.S. News and World Report; January 22, 2001.

The writer is a retired army officer

and a freelance columnist

kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk

VIEW: Empowerment, my foot —Kamran Shafi

2005-09-29T20:14:00.000Z

VIEW: Empowerment, my foot —Kamran Shafi

Seeing how the Big General is smitten by General Naqvi’s handiwork, specially by the possibilities of its becoming an electoral college for an indirect presidential election, the situation will have to become a lot worse before any attempt is made to correct it. Empowerment of the people? Ask Sonia Naz

The hottest topic under discussion in the Fatherland, a country where there is never a dull day, is Lieutenant General Majeed Malik’s matriculation certificate, or lack of it. Whilst the “bloody civilians” are asking how come an under-matric (as it is referred to colloquially) rose to the giddy heights of Corps Commander; Director General Military Operations; Federal Minister; Vice President of the Pakistan Muslim League (The Big General’s Own) etcetera and so forth, and the Big General himself is worried enough to step in and try and defuse the turmoil in the King’s Party triggered by General Malik’s desire to become Chakwal’s Nazim and Chaudhry Pervez Elahi’s opposition to that, its secretary general Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain insists it is only a very normal occurrence as can be expected in any democratic dispensation (as if the Kings Party, particularly its takeover by force of arms by the present group that has qabza over it was democratic!); that nothing out of the ordinary ails his flock.

Well, that is some claim when the King’s Party seems on the very verge of splitting every which way. Which it will not, precisely because the Big General has personally stepped into the fray to separate the rivals in this fight for the lucrative offices of district and tehsil nazim. ‘Lucrative’ being the operative word here, this is just the place for a short anecdote: A friend who is not only a course-mate but also a buddy I cherish, but who shall remain anonymous, told me just the other day that he was approached by someone desirous of becoming the ‘approved candidate’ for a naib-nazim’s office somewhere in the Punjab. That someone told my buddy he would give him two crore (20 million) rupees if my buddy would introduce him to “a general, any general in an important post in GHQ”. Such then, are the stakes in these local elections that people are willing to invest such vast sums for a mere introduction.

It is evident from what one sees around oneself that the system unleashed by General Tanvir Naqvi and his cohorts of the National Destruction Bureau is the cause of both: corruption of the highest order, and bad governance of a kind never seen before. What else could prove this point better than the Sonia Naz case in which the entire police department of one of the most important districts in the Punjab, the Mother of all Provinces, has been held to be inept, inefficient and corrupt to the core? Two of its highest officials, the Deputy Inspector General of Police and the Superintendent of Police, Investigation, have been accused of fighting with one another; of heading qabza groups; of fraternising with subordinate officials, one of them best friends with one inspector of police, the other with another inspector; inspectors of police filming each other in what is known as “compromising positions” with women of easy virtue; the District Police Officer exercising no control whatsoever, you name it. Think of the most scandalous possible police set-up in the world and the Faisalabad police would stand out a mile. A veritable den of iniquitousness, and worse.

Now it is only Faisalabad that has come to the notice of the press. But what about the other districts where God alone knows what may be going on? What pray will those who trumpet good governance do about this example of most horrendous governance? When will they realise (and admit) that if there was an effective magistracy in existence in Faisalabad, most of what happened would not have happened. That the commissioner and the deputy commissioner had, as one of their primary functions, oversight of the police? That Sonia Naz would not have tried to meet Shaukat Aziz in the National Assembly if she had recourse to a district-level official with the clout to order an immediate inquiry.

I am afraid, however, that seeing how the Big General is smitten by General Naqvi’s handiwork, specially by the possibility of its becoming an electoral college for an indirect presidential election, the situation will have to become a lot worse before any attempt is made to correct it. In the meantime, the country is in the hands of feudals, qabza groups and the moneyed classes who will lord it over the mass of the people until something (hopefully) snaps. “Empowerment” of the people, my foot. Ask Sonia Naz.

A word of advice to the protectors of Pakistan’s ideology, aka the thekedars of Pakistan: Please, sirs, immediately read The wrath of Khan by William Langewiesche, a two-part article in the Atlantic Monthly, the first part of which has been published in the October 2005 issue. Excerpt:”Then for Khan, in January of 2004, the good life came crashing down. He was sixty-eight at the time. US agents had intercepted a German ship named the BBC China carrying parts for a Libyan nuclear-weapons-production programme, and Libya, in subsequently renouncing its nuclear ambitions, had named Pakistan, and particularly the Khan Research Laboratories, as the supplier of what was to be a complete store-bought nuclear-weapons programme. The price tag was said to be $100 million. At about the same time, it was revealed that the Pakistani-run network had provided information and nuclear-weapons components to Iran and North Korea, and had begun negotiations with a fourth country, perhaps Syria or Saudi Arabia. The current dictator of Pakistan, General Pervez Musharraf, denied any personal knowledge or governmental involvement, and with his masters in Washington, DC, looking sternly on, accused Khan of running a rogue operation, outside the law. It was theatre of the diplomatic kind. But Musharraf was an unconvincing actor. In the context of Pakistan he might as well have expressed surprise that Khan had built a house on the shores of a drinking-water supply [Rawal Dam].”

Whilst I know the powers that be are made of sterner stuff, I, a complete coward, am quaking in my chappals.

Bushism of the Week: I want it to be said that the Bush administration was a results-oriented administration, because I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that’s responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be — a literate country and a hopefuller country” — President George W Bush; Washington DC; January 11, 2001.

Kamran Shafi is a freelance columnist. His writings can be accessed at http://www.kamranshafi.blogspot.com

Sorry is such a little word

2005-09-22T08:00:00.000Z

Sorry is such a little word
By
Kamran Shafi

Quote: “I'm sorry.” Why are those two little words so difficult to say? Perhaps because they hold such power. An honest apology can mend relationships, dissolve anger, soothe shattered pride or heal a broken heart. And a study conducted by the University of Michigan showed that apologizing can even have health benefits, such as lowering stress levels. Meanwhile, avoiding an apology makes relationships more strained -- and it can reveal something negative about you. Being incapable of apologizing can be a real character flaw, says Beverly Engel, a psychotherapist and author of The Power of Apology (John Wiley & Sons, 2001). Unquote. (Maria Neumann, writing in ‘Shape’, 2003).

Yet, it is such a big word when it comes out of the mouths of big people. People such as our Big General: Chief of Army Staff of the Land of the Pure; President of the Citadel of Islam; Lord and Master of all he surveys in the Islamic Republic to end all Islamic Republics because of it’s bum, and so on and so forth. A country better than many developed countries according to himself, notwithstanding the fact that at last count eleven people had died, yes died, in Landhi from drinking contaminated water. Landhi, in case anyone has forgotten, is located in the metropolis of Karachi, the Karachi of the Creek Cities and other such glittering oases for the rich and the famous.

Yes sirs, “sorry” would be such a big word were the General to employ it to regret his appalling amplification of what somebody (surely some bigoted chauvinist male supremacist pig) purportedly said in his presence about a “lot” of people in Pakistan saying “if you want to go abroad and get a visa for Canada, or citizenship, and be a millionaire, get yourself raped”. All he has to do is to stand up straight, look the nation in the eye, and just say, simply, “Sorry, I should not have said (even ‘amplified’ or ‘repeated’ will do) what I did”. That is all. No more, no less.

I have oft made the point, not that anyone has listened, that the mass of the Pakistani people, excluding the chattering classes of course, are a good and a kind and an understanding and a wise people. They know all about making mistakes; of asking forgiveness; of forgiving; of being forgiven. They are also so in awe of authority that if the Big General would sincerely apologise, they would not brook (be part of anyway) his further criticism. But will he apologise when all manner of toady is advising him not to; and every sycophant is telling him it would be a sign of weakness?

He will not apologise, for our Commando is in fighting mood: even before going to visit the US Central Command Headquarters in Tampa, Florida, which is sure to have brought a further flush to his demeanour and a higher spring to his step, he has already challenged an un-named woman in New York to a fight. This was someone who, according to reliable news reports, asked him a question about his get-raped-for-a-visa remarks. He said, variously, first echoing Louis X1V when he declared: “L’État, c’est moi”, “I am the state”: “ You are against me and Pakistan”; “If you are against me, you are against Pakistan”; “Are you a Benazir supporter? (The) lady was Prime Minister of Pakistan twice, ask her what she has done for Pakistan”. In an obvious reference to the House of Zahoor, Gujrat City, politicians known not only for great truthfulness but other qualities such as shining honesty, the General said, “We have introduced new leaders who don’t tell lies, unlike your leaders who did; I am a fighter, I will fight you”. And so on and so forth, unbecomingly, he went on.

Indeed, in such a fighting mood is he that he even went to the extent of accusing the Washington Post of misquoting him in these words: “I never said that. I am not so silly or stupid to make such remarks.” Fatal mistake, for one does not play around with the likes of the Post. If one is right and one has been misquoted in matters as grave as rape, one sues the paper concerned for millions of dollars; if one is wrong one keeps one’s head down and prays for the ill-winds to blow themselves out. As it happened, and exactly because of the bad advice proffered by the toadies, inside of 24 hours the WP ran another story reiterating the General’s own words, and in the “And moreover” category added: “…then as the reporters prepared to move to the next question, Gen. Musharraf interjected the comments about rape as a money-making concern, saying it was the “popular term” in Islamabad”!!

For the uninitiated, mayhap a recounting of the “And moreover” anecdote will do us well. A Sikh got into an heated argument with a lager lout or some other Yahoo in Hounslow or thereabouts. Soon, choice epithets began to fly between the two and just as the Sardar Ji thought the Brit lout was having the better of him in English swear words he reverted to Punjabi and said, “And moreover, teri #@%*&#”! This is what the Big General exposed himself to by trying to wriggle out of a difficult situation he had put himself in, instead of facing the question squarely … and … simply apologising.

Which reminds me. Where was Information Minister and Sole Spokesman of the Islamic Republic, Shiekh Rashid ‘Tulli’ during this brouhaha with the Washington Post? He was nowhere to be seen, and was sorely missed by his fans such as I who so look forward to hearing his impassioned defence of the General in his impeccable English, and witness his courteousness and civility and good manners. Seems he has been put under wraps, poor chap, his place taken by the ISPR gent for reasons best known to the powers. No wonder the matter got out of hand – just one of his deft touches and the WP would have been eating out of the Big General’s hand. I mean when you have an eminence such as ‘Tulli’ on your side why not use him?

Bushism of the Week: “Nothing he (Saddam Hussein) has done has convinced me – I’m confident the Secretary of Defense – that he is the kind of fellow that is willing to forgo weapons of mass destruction, is willing to be a peaceful neighbor, that is – will honor the people – the Iraqi people of all stripes, will – values human life. He hasn’t convinced me, nor has he convinced my administration” – President George W. Bush – Crawford, Texas; August 21, 2002.

END

Why only Pakistanis?

2005-07-22T23:52:00.000Z

It may well be that the London bombings happened only because of Britain's pillion-rider" (according to the think-tank Chatham House) status in the US assault on Iraq. It may well be that Muslims are enraged at what is happening to their own across the world. But why is it that most of the terrorists who go about the world trying to bomb themselves and others to oblivion have the deepest linkages to Pakistan? From Reid the shoe-bomber to three of the four London bombers, all of them had their teachers and guides in Pakistani madrassas? Why?
I ask because it is not as if we stand out in any way amongst the Ummah: it is not as if we are the most aware among our co-religionists; it is not that we are the best 'Muslims' that we should so 'stand up' for the down-trodden Iraqis and Afghans; neither is it that we as a people are the most politically sensitised. So why are we in the forefront of terrorism across the world? For those who would make the point that the three London bombers were born, brought up and educated in Britain and so their being of Pakistani descent is neither here nor there, I would ask why there aren't any Lebanese or Syrians or Libyans or Moroccans or Tunisians born, brought up and educated in England among the suicide bombers? Indeed, why aren't there any Iraqis and Afghans among them? Why?
Simple: Pakistan is the hub of terrorism it is due to the thousands of un-regulated madrassas teaching the poison that we saw spewed in London. All due to the fact that clerics can do in Pakistan what they want, in blatant disregard of the law no matter how loud the talk and how visible the posturing. Just listen carefully to what the mullahs say in their Friday sermons in the mosques and you will know what I mean. Every single khutba is laden with hate and rancour.
As I suggested last week, the mullahs are cosseted by the Establishment which goes back a long way with them. Do we not remember well the fact that the Establishment quite shamelessly used these pet obscurant mullahs and clerics against its enemies whenever it felt at risk: even internally against democratically elected civilian governments?
Indeed, so deep is our Establishment's involvement with terror that all manner of desperado and yahoo has been allowed to breeze into and out of our country, on his journey towards some dastardly act or the other: witness the beauty of Something or other Reid, who tried to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic, and who visited the Land of the Pure three or four times within the space of a year or so. How come? Let me ask for the umpteenth time: how did this man get a visa to travel to Pakistan considering the fact that he was a no-good petty criminal, a dirty, filthy, bum who lived on the mean streets of London? I mean it takes sifarish to get my Brit friends Pakistani visas longer than one month's duration, so how come Reid walked into and out of the country at will?
If the Big General REALLY wants to sort out the supporters of terror within the corridors of power in Islamabad the Beautiful, he should order an immediate inquiry into the granting of visas to Reid. I'll bet he'll find the godfathers of most of the bad boys who go about giving our country a bad name.
As an aside shouldn't we be grateful to the British for granting at least some Pakistanis five-year multiple-entry visas when we allow their citizens, very respectable ones too, just one month single-entry visas? Somebody in the FO/Interior Ministry wake up please: our visa officers in London should turn cart-wheels at every application to visit the Islamic Republic, considering the 'soft-image' getting softer and all.
More posturing: The Big General is quoted thus in our press, saying to General Abizaid the C-in-C Central Command and lord of all he surveys from Iraq to Afghanistan: "Now, we want our borders to be respected in the war of terrorism and will not put up with future border breaches." Obviously as a reaction to the Americans crossing the border in pursuit of the Taliban and killing 20-something of them two weeks ago. Of course, this was an action against Taliban whom we said were not there in the first place, when our various spokesmen locked horns with Zalmay Khalilzad, the ill-selected US ambassador to Afghanistan now despatched to Iraq.
How the General will enforce his warning to General Abizaid, a slightly BIGGER General than any of ours, commanding an Army a little more powerful than ours, we don't know. Could it be that our 'bum' gives him heart? Or the fact that he is a tight buddy of Dubya's? Neither will help I am afraid, which prompts me to say that this is yet another example of loud talk which can never be matched with action should the Americans decide to, say, cross the border another time or, say, bomb Parachinar tomorrow. Far better, is it not, that we try and keep our noses as clean as possible? And hope for the best?
Bushism of the week: "I think younger workers -- first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government -- promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is" – President George W. Bush; Washington, D.C., May 4, 2005

The writer is a retired army officer and a freelance columnist

VIEW: In the cross-hairs

2005-07-20T23:02:00.000Z

—Kamran Shafi
I shudder to think what we might have done if four Brits had bombed people in Islamabad. By golly we would have gone on a mad killing spree and done tikka-boti of any Brit we could lay hands onSo then, there goes the government (or non-government, whichever you prefer to call it) of the Land of the Pure, stumbling into knee-jerk reaction after knee-jerk reaction just as soon as our country was named as the conduit through which passed at least three of those who blew themselves up and took at least 56 innocents with them: call them religious extremists, Islamic terrorists, bigots, whatever; and there goes the Big General, once more announcing the Fatherland’s nth arrival at the good old cross-roads. This as a direct upshot of the latest handiwork of the brain-washed and angry young men who are indoctrinated into committing the worst atrocities ie, killing the defenceless, their own co-religionists among them: this time around the dastardly London bombings. While we have been here before, at the cross-roads that is, many, many times since the General seized power, this may be the very last time that we find ourselves here. Judging from the world’s reaction to the London outrage, we are not going to be allowed to loaf around at the cross-roads as we have done heretofore, for very much longer. For, the time is finally here for the regime that holds us by the throat to deliver or else face dire circumstances in the immediate future. In actual fact, the Islamic Republic, far more than arriving once again at the cross-roads which we know so well, is in the cross-hairs like it has never been before. The reason for our present travails is not difficult to find: we have lived rather dangerously and at the very edge for very many years now, virtually spitting in the world’s face. Consider: How many times has the General held out the promise that he will take firm steps against the bigoted obscurantist? How many times has he proclaimed that “Enlightened Moderation” is the way forward? How many times has he indicated a roll-back of the awful laws brought in by the quite awful Zia ul Haq? And how many times has he made his much practised u-turns on all of the above? How many times has he taken the side of the backward mullah rather than that of the moderate? Each and every time strengthening the extremists and the obscurantists even further, to the detriment of most of us? Really, it is so infuriating!But does the General really think he is fooling anyone at all now that the wheel has come full-circle? He obviously thinks so judging from what he said to the gathered police officers at Islamabad the other day. From what I could glean from the Net editions of our newspapers for I am abroad at the moment, the General made it seem as if he was the most surprised at the “news” that the extremist organisations he had banned were back in business under assumed names. Really, sir? Well, lots and lots of us, all lay people with no access to the sort of “intelligence” you have at your disposal knew perfectly well that all the banned outfits renamed themselves on the very day they were banned, and were back in business the very next day. As a matter of fact the news of this sudden metamorphosis was splashed in all of the country’s newspapers repeatedly; as another, it was repeatedly commented upon by many of us who write in the press. So why are you so “surprised”, pray? Or was I always right when I said that you have long been isolated from reality by those you have chosen to surround yourself with? Indeed, if the intelligence wallahs are keeping the news from you, are the information wallahs doing likewise?It is also no good to exhort policemen to take action against the extremists when the State itself protects them with all facility through its pet, the establishment, and the “agencies”; it will do no good when his own junta not only made it convenient for the cleric to come to political power by making it impossible for the mass-based political parties to stay in the political arena and fight him, it needs the mullah’s help even now to stay in power. I mean which stone was left unturned to ensure the mullah’s ascendancy? I mean the truth is that the mullah and the military are fellow-travellers, isn’t it?Meanwhile, the British in keeping with their most famous national trait are facing the post-bombings situation with stoicism and resilience. And a sense of fair-play despite the extreme provocation. I shudder to think what we might have done in like circumstances: if four Brits had bombed people in Islamabad. By golly we would have gone on a mad killing spree and done tikka-boti of any Brit we could lay hands on, indeed of any gora. Let me leave you with this short story sent to me by an old and treasured friend: “My niece’s brother-in-law (20) has joined AL-DAWA. He disappeared recently. Her father-in-law requested X to accompany him to MANSEHRA where the boy was supposedly ‘under training’. He wanted his son to return home. They managed to reach the camp but after a dreadful experience returned post haste to Islamabad without even setting eyes on the boy. Weeks later he returned and told his parents that they should accept his decision or he will never return home. He is to be paid a stipend of rupees 1500/-month. The “worker” (they have an Arabic name for recruiters which translates into ‘a worker’) who recruited him lives with his two wives in a plush apartment in F-11, and will reportedly get Rupees 0.7 million when they feel that the recruit is a confirmed Jihadi. Not a bad bargain for luring and brainwashing someone else’s child. But the question is: how can this be going on in a country like Pakistan where nothing moves without the consent of Rawalpindi (GHQ)?”So there you have it, gentle reader!

Bushism of the week: “The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they’ve, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they’re universal values, they’re not American values or, you know — European values, they’re universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere.” — President George W Bush; press conference with European Union dignitaries; Washington, DC, June 20, 2005. Kamran Shafi is a freelance columnist

The Great Khan and the General —Kamran Shafi

2005-07-12T18:34:00.000Z

Please get out of politics of which you understand neither head nor tail, set up a cricket academy for the children of the disadvantaged, and divide your time between your hospital and the academy. What a name you will make for yourselfWashington Post had a story the other day, also reported in this newspaper by Mr Khalid Hasan, that quoted Imran Khan going after the Big General hammer and tongs, calling him names such as “jackal”, and making statements to the effect that his party would do well in the coming elections etcetera. This was part of his strategy to try and fill the vacuum created in Pakistani politics by the Establishment-engineered exclusion of the two largest political parties and their leaders from the arena, and by positioning himself as the leader of the forces that are anti-the General.

Before we go any further, let me once again state where I stand: I am for fair and free elections in which no one is excluded, not Nawaz Sharif not Benazir Bhutto, not indeed Imran; and now because he is very much a politician, neither the General himself; elections which are held under an independent election commission that has the approval of all the political leaders of the country; after which election power is handed in an orderly manner to the political party(ies) that win the largest number of seats in the legislatures. After which, it goes without saying, the army returns to the barracks and pulls its nose out of politics irrevocably, forever. Now then, is this the time that “all good men must come to the aid of the party” as that old typing lesson read? If it is, and if the choice is between the General and Imran Khan we must look hard at the both of them.

Whilst this column and others have faithfully recounted the General’s shenanigans for five years now: the U-turns and the one-step forward, nine back manoeuvres that only he can execute, and the most ludicrous situations he lets himself get into for the sake of “buddies” — such as being photographed standing beneath a portrait of Chaudhry Zahoor Elahi the founder of the House of Zahoor much as others stand beneath the likeness of the Quaid-e-Azam — we must look at the evidence that goes against Imran too.While he is undeniably one of the greatest sportsmen ever, and while he has to be appreciated greatly for putting up a super hospital, all of the moves he has made since taking up politics were/are ill advised, even foolish and opportunistic. He spoke deprecatingly and loudly and often against “Brown Sahibs” ie, people who wear Western clothes in Pakistan while he himself did likewise when abroad, particularly while dancing the night away in nightclubs and joints such as the snooty Annabelle’s dressed in DJs. He wrote reams supporting Jirga justice, and against women working outside the home: he had the audacity indeed, to suggest that women were better employed having children and bringing up the next generation (of the super-race, on the lines of Hitler’s Nazi Germany?). There was also the matter of that paternity thing which, if handled in a straight-forward manner would have only raised Imran’s stature in the eyes of the majority of this country’s good and kind people. That is not all. He went blue in the face insisting against clear evidence, that Sir James Goldsmith was not Jewish, as if anybody gave a damn if he was. I mean if a case had to be made against an Establishment which might try and turn Sir James’ religion into a stick with which to beat Imran, he could have countered with invoking the name of Henry Kissinger out of whose hands the most powerful of the most powerful Pakistanis ate.

I mean, according to another recent report by Mr Khalid Hasan in the Dailytimes, even the present dispensation asks him for advice: Kissinger even suggesting to the Big General the term “Enlightened Moderation”. In any case Jemima Goldsmith was a well-liked figure in Pakistan — when did her father’s professed religion ever colour people’s perceptions of her?More than any other instance that shows us Imran Khan’s character is that in which he was caught red-handed poaching partridges in Chakwal along with several of his influential friends. Now, while the game-watcher who challaned Imran and friends for the crime and confiscated the shot birds insists he was the man who booked him, Imran has consistently stuck to stout denial. While there is over-whelming evidence, the man will simply not admit his fault and apologise and promise he will never poach again. It is another matter that the State failed to prosecute him at the time because the wheels of influence and back-scratching came into motion and brought the whole proceeding to a grinding halt. It is yet another matter that in a country where very few in government do an honest days work, a poor game-watcher did his with great courage. May I once more call upon the Big General to take note of the game-watcher’s diligence and award him a high civil award.Worse than any of the above of course, is Imran Khan’s putting his lot in with the backward cleric for political expediency. By far the worse.There is time, however, for Imran Khan to apologise for his past transgressions and redeem himself in the eyes of the people, just as there is time for others in public life. Such as Mushahid “Mandela” Hussain who should apologise for his: namely using foul language against his boss “Miansaab” Nawaz Sharif’s opponents; not lifting a finger to protect the press and innocent journalists from the wrath of the more royal than the king Saifur Rehman of Redco; and last but certainly not the least having the impudence of comparing, even in the slightest way, his three-star confinement of a few months to Nelson Mandela’s solitary, rigorous imprisonment extending over 27 years. There is still time for both of them.Let me end with sincere advice to Imran Khan: please get out of politics of which you understand neither head nor tail, set up a cricket academy for the children of the disadvantaged, and divide your time between your hospital (which really needs you, by the way) and the academy. What a name you will make for yourself.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Shiekh Rashid ‘Tulli’ has once again agreed 100 percent with whatever the General has said in the past few days, and has extolled his boss’s great efforts in the “larger national interest”. This came right on the heals of Private Banker Shaukat Aziz agreeing with everything the General told him in a meeting to prepare Shaukat for his turn at the Pakistani Flying Circus which will take him to four countries over several weeks, the climax of which will be a visit to the Mecca of all Pakistani “leaders” — Washington DC. By golly, the man has arrived — his drawing rooms across the world thenceforwards boasting signed photographs of Dubya. God is surely in His heaven and all is right with the world.But may one ask what the great story is in “Tulli” and Private Banker agreeing with the Biggest General of them all, when the two dare say boo to a colonel? Could they have disagreed with the Big General, even in their wildest dreams? Where’s the story?

Bushisms of the Week: “But if you’ve been laid off work, you’re 100 percent unemployed, and I worry about it”— President George W Bush; Green Bay, Wisconsin, September 3, 2001. “Just remember it’s the birds that’s supposed to suffer, not the hunter” — Advising quail hunter Senator Pete Domenici — Roswell, New Mexico; January 22, 2004.

PS: In the unlikely event that I vote in an election in which Imran and the General are the only candidates, my vote will go to the General.